I dont even know how blogs work. I hope Im in the right area to write this.

Hi. I just had to let this out someplace. I was so sad today. I hate the feeling of despair. I feel that no one cares . I shouldnt feel this way but I do. I have a wife three kids a nice house a decent job. Lets start with the wife. She seems to complain all the time. I feel she tolarates me. I think she stopped loving me some time ago. We have been married 20 years. The last 3 or 4 we have lived like roommates. No intamacy. I had tried but after a number of tries I gave up. So every day its come home sit on the couch eat watch tv sleep. I have no friends. I have no one, NO ONE to talk to. Day after day I keep all my feelings bottled up. I use to try and talk to the wife. I think it annoyed her more than anything else. She just didnt have the time for my trivial issues. When I asked her about the way I felt she was treating me. She would say it was all in my mind. Apparently my feelings really didnt count because she was not doing anything wrong. I detested her smugness.so for about the last 10 years it been a great facade that is worn. mostly for the kids. Speaking of the kids. I had one incedent with my son that ripped my heart out it still does. My phone broke so I borrowed an old one of his. He was maybe 15 at the time. Well I took the phone with me to transfe all my stuff after work. During work I looked at his phone. All his contacts were still on it. I was not in his contacts! his Mother was. His Uncles were. His grandparents were. But not his Father. That said to me I dont need to call my father there are other people that can help me. I wasnt someone he would ever consider calling.

I dont know I really dont feel like writing any more this Evening. Thanks to all who take the time to read this I didnt make me feel much better. I hoped it would but it didnt.