So I was sitting here and asked my bf if he was ready for totomorrow. He looked at me like what’s tomorrow? I said the hiring event for a local grocery store. Let me back up…

I had gotten my bf a job where I used to work.that business was going down and on the verge of being shut down so I left last year. It was wearing me down emotionally amongst a huge list of other vs. So I kept asking him since the beginning of the year to look for another job because the end was getting near at that place. They kept cutting his hours but he continued to stay. He finally quit (a month before they shit the place down) because I started a new full time job and needed him to be there for my youngest son when he got home from school because his dad wasn’t able to be there. So he got on unemployment because he finally had to. That was in June. He was supposed to go to retraining through unemployment to be able to get a job in a new field. Anyways I guess they were out of funding and are unable to send him to school. Fine not his fault. Well I ended up having to quit that full time job because it was extremely stressful and I had a breakdown after 4 month of being there. Told my bf he needs to get a part time job because once we started getting closer to the end of the year we were going to be hurting bad financiallly. Nothing. My oldest son, my bf and I were all not working so obviously we are in the shit hole and I wasn’t able to pay my rent for Nov until last week. I didn’t pay any of the other bills because I had to pay rent. Well guess what? Rent and bills are due again and we have no money. Surprise surprise. My eldest son has had a couple jobs for the last 2 months but hasn’t lasted. Now he has a regular job and has been working for but hasn’t given me any money. He got himself into the negative with his back and was what seemed like 4 or 500 ovwerdrawn so the money he was supposed to give me went to pay the bank back.

Back to the present. For over a month I told my bf about a hiring even that was happening this week. I reminded him last week and sent him the link i got from a person I get job leads from. Well my memory is horrible and I could have sworn the even was tomorrow. I looked for the flyer I received and couldn’t find it so I emailed the lady that sent it to me. She says the even was yesterday!! Wtf!!!!!! I told my bf and was so fucking pissed because it was his responsibility to keep track of this shit! I felt like crap for getting the dates wrong but then became enraged because it was his job to be ready and know when this shit was going to be. I am pissed and disappointed and let him know it. He says “you’re the one that likes to put alerts in your calendar so I do figures you’d know”. Omg I almost lost it. I reminded him of how many times I have put things in my calendar wrong and missed appointments. (A terrible thing I know) it’s the reason why I put things in right away in my notes or calendar otherwise they will be forgotten. (Thank you ADD and insomnia for killing off my brain cells… Well the lack of sleep more than anything probably) anyways so I am sitting here livid. Once again he has let me down. This isn’t the first time he has gone a long period of time without working and screwed me financially. So I’m stressing because my land lady threatened to evict me. I have me and my 2 kids to think of here. If I am going to be struggling I might as well struggle alone.

I honestly want to kick my bf and eldest son (he’s 23) out of here. They cause me more stress and aggravation than my special needs son. Earlier before this happened with my bf I was asking my son some questions and he’s like can you not talk I don’t feel like talking right now. I was like oh just sake you a fucking question. I hopeful remember that when you’re talking my ears off everyday when I’m tired and not in the mood. Like what a little asshole. He’s entitled to not want to talk  that’s fine but really. He then took off with my ex and son (my ex takes my son 3 days a week) to my ex’s house for the evening. I was like good riddance. I don’t need that bullshit. Shortly after he left my bf was having a bitch fit about a new he had left in the kitchen. Something I didn’t want to hear either. I tell him if he has a problem with what he does then why doesn’t he tell him. He doesn’t have an issue yelling at my youngest.

Needless to say I am sick of all this bullshit. I know that I am a difficult person to deal with. I yell alot and am always in a bad mood. I wonder if people even realize how much of it is them causing me to be this way. Im an asshole i admit it but fuck! Why be don’t my family realize what they do to add to it? I really am exhausted and sick of taking the blame for being so temperamental. My bf doesn’t want me to nag him and says hes a grown ass man but he cant even clean out his stinky turtle tank that I have asked him to clean out at least once a week. I have to be on top of him to take care of most thongs and appointment. I already have 2 kids to chase after and now add his shit. I shouldn’t be on him.and my eldest son. They wear me out. I’m so over it. I know those last things sound petty but there is so much more to the story. It would take forever to write. I’m just sick