Well, im back at it again. Six months later. Whats happened since my last blog?

Short summary

• I came out as androgynous

• Attempted suicide again

• Diagnosed with PTSD

• Dropped out of highschool

• Got addicted to alcohol

Long summary

In July i came out as androgynous, and i look the part. I got very mixed reactions out of it and have lost family members over it.

In November i attempted suicide because my most recent ex at the time left me because i wanted a future with her.

In late November i dropped out because i had the worst anxiety attack. I passed out, my heart rate was everywhere, and i was flushed. Never in my life have i experienced an anxiety attack like that. Because of that i dropped out of school, im able to go back whenever but id still be a sophomore.

In September i started to drink vodka. I couldnt help it because nothing else was there to help. I had nothing else to coax me to be happy other than alcohol. I drink 3 small bottles of vodka a day to ease my pain.

So thats the jist of everything. I dont have much of a reason to keep going now. 16 year old brat with no friends and a confusing identity to boot.

random side note…

would anyone be interested in dating a 16 year old androgynous person with severe depression and anxiety? I love to paint and write and play sims 4. Im a very understanding person and have the biggest heart ever. I just need a connection with someone out there. Please? I have nobody… Im not old enough to be on dating websites and im no longer a student so i have no other form of contact to the outside world other than this. Please? Im not a creep… im just very lonely 🙁

  1. kimbeme 4 years ago

    My goodness you have had quite the struggle in such a short life already. Suicide is the easy way out. The wrong way. You are part of a “learning” world. Your generation is teaching the older ones new ways of reality. This is nature evolving. I wish you felt proud of yourself. You are so brave to come out to family and the world with your true self. Dont go and end it now! You have come so far. There are others just like you but maybe not brave enough to stand in their own truth. Be an example for them. You can do this. Make a change in this world and with the people who arent accepting you. Show them that YOU ARE an important part of this BRAVE GENERATION.
    Suicide is always there…and ALWAYS the worst way. Give yourself a chance. If your considering suicide already….what have you got to lose! YOU GOT THIS!!! Im proud of you!

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  2. jenpike0313 4 years ago

    Please dont give up. You are worth fighting for. I completely understand how you are feeling. Things will get better.

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  3. diangelo 4 years ago

    Dude. Totally know where you’re coming from. It’s tough. I’m a trans teen (FtM) and it sucks. Hang in there. I can just tell you’re someone worth having in the world. I have those thoughts too. The suicide ones. Suicide is the coward’s way out. I want to do it too, but I don’t want to die a girl. I’m sure you wouldn’t want to die with this hanging over your head. I’m here for you, so could you be here for me too?

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