It was about a zillion degrees below zero last night and so the fates would predictably decide that my tire should therefore go flat. Not just an "oops, better air that up" kind of flat, but an "uh-oh. THAT's gonna cost me" kind.

Luckily, there was a young guy gassing up at a nearby pump as I superficially attempted to loosen my lug nuts (ie, advertising my mechanical ineptitude). Chivalry, it would seem, is not totally dead. The guy called out "Ma'am, do you need help?" and I reeled that sucker into putting on my doughnut.

Just kidding. Truthfully, those lug nuts were practically fused on and I haven't changed a tire for about a decade. This kid was a godsend.

Cute lil thing too.

"Ma'am" indeed…

When I got home, DF was all guilty and appologetic about not coming out to help. I let that slide, but told him about the cute young guy who changed my tire for me. Had to be about 20, very sweet, and thin enough to have been frozen to the core by the time he was through. I stood and admired the view like some lusty old cougar, until my eyes froze over.

"Did you catch his name?" DF asked me.

"No," I told him. "He just kind of dashed off after I thanked him. He was probably frost bitten. Can you believe that? I hate guys who bail after getting head."

DF: "So do I."

So, anyway… H has left a couple of messages on my phone in the past few days. I've been waffling over whether of not I should call her back. wondering whether or not I should at least call her to make sure nothing is wrong–but I talked myself out of it.

We haven't spoken for about 10 months. The last attempt at talking was mine and so I decided that I shouldn't carry the full weight of our friendship. Despite the depression that followed, I had a lot of good things going for me and rather than being happy for me, she became very nasty about it. I had graduated, finished my first novel, gotten engaged, got a good paying job, and I was begining to reestablish a few old friendships. Other than just mentioning things to her, I could never actually talk about things. She was going through her 3rd devorce and was out of work, due to the same back problems I've gone to work with every day for nearly a decade.

I couldn't share any happiness with her. She was getting very nasty and manipulative, often going on for hours about her own problems and then reacting to any good news I had with vindictiveness. I brought her to a party and introduced her to my old friends, only to have her behave very rudely and inform me (in not so many words) that they were being hostile and snobbish towards her. She'd (supposedly) jokingly say bad things about herself so I'd disagree with her–that is, until I got sick of it and quit disagreeing.

Truth is, I'm sick of being burned. I kept running back to E because she was like a sister to me, and she doesn't change. There's no voice in her head that informs her that unless she makes personal changes, she'll repeat the same mistakes for all iternity. The same goes for H. There's no reason to believe that in 10 months she's learned to be an adult, just because she's enrolled herself in school.

I miss E like you'd miss a friend who has passed away. She's just not the person she was.

I miss H like I miss a yeast infection. I had some good times with someone who was never a good friend. Moving on now and okay with it.

~X

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