Just got a call from E. Every time she calls me after a month or two, her situation is different. She's back with the drug dealer guy who spent all her money and left her stranded with no place to live. I'd feel better if she was too ashamed to tell me the truth–I can see through her when she lies anyway–but she seems perfectly okay with her life. She thinks she's getting her shit together. She sounded like she was on something–possibly just pot, but that's giving her too much credit these days.

I had hoped that she'd unload all these terrible people she keeps hanging out with and fly a little straighter, but she'd actually gone back to hanging out with people who have repeatedly betrayed her. She's so desperate to have all these friends that she'll surround herself with low-lifes. Now she's talking about renting a house with a former friend who's seperated from her husband and kids for smoking crack and snorting coke… and I'm supposed to be impressed that she put herself into rehab. ("Because that looks better")

Damn, I never thought I'd be saying these types of things about people who used to be my friends. How did I end up being the one with my life together? I was always the screwed up one while growing up.

It's so utterly bizarre… and so utterly sad.

E was like a sister to me for over fifteen years. The past few have been very lonely, but there are only so many times I can grant a person the benefit of the doubt before I just have to throw in the towel and change my phone number.

I asked my fiance if we could change our cell numbers once we get a house (hopefully by December) and he said okay. I'm doing a disappearing act on E. Can't take this disappointment any more. Can't keep watching her ruin her life over and over.

My best friend is long gone and it's time to move on.

~X