Hello all you happy people, this is my first foray into the crazy world of blog writing – sure hope I don't screw it up! I've never been a pro, or even a talented amatuer, at upchucking all my personal problems, thoughts or desires in my "real" life to "real" human beings, let alone in HTML format. So this is gonna be a real stretch on my comfort bubble and a great exercise on opening up, as long as I make myself keep to it.
The incessant compulsion that drives people to divulge and expose their entire lives to complete strangers has always eluded my understanding. I don't know if it's some kind of gene that sentient carbon lifeforms are born with that compells most of them to be social animals, or if it's just some people's idea of staving off boredom. Either way, it's always been impossible for me to initiate idle chit-chat, well, at least without feeling awkward as a vampire forgetting to adjust to daylight savings. The people that come up to me and just pour out all their issues on the spot like I'm some kind of walking confessional booth always rub me as being rude and unconscientious, I mean, what if I was having a shitty day that day? Like what if I just found out, God forbid, that the Easter Bunny was a lie and eggs were just aborted chicken fetus' (I don't know the plural, feti? fetuses? fml.) and not really little porcelain gifts filled with gummy sunshine? I would certainly be in no mood to talk about how or why your dog decided to run away with your wife, or about that abscess tooth you've been bitching about for the past 20 minutes. I don't care if we are in the dentist's waiting lounge, have some common decency man!
All seriousness aside, I really don't know why I've consigned myself to being the quiet guy. I know a lot of it has to do with my anxiety, but even when I'm calm and comfortable I'm still usually placid and quiet. I'm not saying that there aren't times that I just spaz out in short bursts of joy and frivolity like an epileptic with handful of PEZ – I would just like to find some kind of balance, or at least the fulcrum, to my outward social personality; rather than being the psycho silent dude in the corner that isn't interested in what you're saying, or the psycho party dude that still isn't interested in what you're saying, but at least better at hiding it while he pours shnapps down your throat. Oh! It just came to me, the answer to it all! I'm just paranoid.