Right now I am in the middle of a nasty divorce with a ex that is doing all he can to make my life as difficult and as miserable as possible. He is fully aware of my mental illness and knows exactly how to push my buttons and set of my triggers. In fact he is forcing me in to a nasty corner right now and bringing my mental illness up to the court as an issue to my capability to parent our children. It’s a low and dirty move and it just stresses me right out. In fact yesterday I was forced to go to my lawyer’s office to respond to my ex’s affidavit referring to a break down a had a few years ago. He actually put me in a position where I was forced to stand there and explain myself. Explain why I could not work or pay my bills, why I lost my job and my home and ended up in the hospital and in some motel the next province over. The worst thing was this particular break down I was forced to justify he himself was responsible for causing. What a Jack A#%! I spent an hour in this office with my lawyer who I know but not well being literally forced to reveal details of my life and my condition and try to explain myself so that he could further take that info to a complete stranger and have them judge me on it. I was so anxious, so stressed out, I was talking so fast I could barely catch my breath and my hands trembled and I was so furious and my head started to hurt until I had such a migraine I couldn’t see straight. It was terrible and to know that now all of it will be made public knowledge and public record and all those strangers will read it and hear it and judge me. It is sickening. Even when I thought I had calmed down I was wrong. I went to bed calmly and as soon as I lay down and closed my eyes my pulse started racing. My heart beating so fast I felt like a humming bird. God this drives me up the wall.