Theres a panick attack on its way right now and im trying to prevent it happening by blogging right now. Why is it happening? Because Im hungry and cant cook, im going to be ovrdrawn amd cant get a job because of my social anxiety or other training or mental appoinyments that i keep missing and ruining because ofmy anxiety. Im calming down because ofthis and after eatinga bit. My anxiety is so high right now. I keep forgetting to breathe then feel pressure in my chest and worried a palpitation wil happen so i take the odd breath when i remember. Its mainly because i feel like theres no nurture and im scared. Nobody really wants me. Im a highly nurturig person but nobody wants me to be there for them either. I also disagree with the world. Im scared of weirdos trying to mess my life up or perv on me. Iv got a fear of passing out incase weirdos in my family end up seeing me in hospital and try to rape or fiddle with me. this is what im really feeling but you cany exacty say stuff like this can you. Life would be right ifi was born a boy. Maybe coming out will make socialising work but i dont know how to do it. Looking in the mirror and beingreminded i am a girl is becoming more and more unbearable, especially coming from others how it effects the waythey treat you. I dont have the social intelligence to work it all out. I dont even have the social intelligence to be able to work out ifsomeone is happy or sad, never mind that. I feel like im going to die and i cant explain why. I feel like im desperate for a cuddle but either its just perverts you have to avoid or i cant let myself really fall into the cuddle because i feel guilty about decieeving them that im a girl when im not. Im in the wrong body. How am i supposed to work out how i should act around people. Im also scared of bullying

4 Comments
  1. Author
    aloneforevernew 12 years ago

    Its mainly because in the end, no one wants to be there for me. I try talk to people and they just leave me and start avoiding me like they think im strange. This makes me feel scizophrenic.i dont know what reality is anymore because i have no connection wih anyone. I have always had this feeling since i was a child trying to make friends in the playground and never being able to connect with anyone. Its like im in a hell where god wont let me make friends . Im cursed to be aloneforever. Believing in god is the only thing that keeps me sane right now, or wherevr i would end up if it was more insane than this. Why wont god let me make friends though. Its getting to that point again where there are no words to explain. Everyone is so cruel.

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  2. Author
    Luc 12 years ago

    Hello AloneForever,

    Wow, you sound like you a stuck in cycle and in a very uncertain, perhaps bad, place.  I am sorry that you are having all these gender issues.  Have you talked to a doctor to find out what your options are?  Is your family supportive?  You sound very lonely.  Do you have anyone to talk to on a regular basis?  I know just how it feels to be so uncertain about yourself in life.  I never had gender identity issues but I did alot of searching about what life is really about so it must be harder when you don't have a firm foundation of even your gender.  I at least had that but everything else was in turmoil when I was a teenager.  If I can be of help with anything I would be more than happy to just be there for you even if it is just listening.  I don't envy you because you have more to deal with then when I was your age.  I wish you well.  Be hopeful, take care and take heart.

    L

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  3. angelinal25 4 years ago

    hay buddy i have faced this same situation in mu past. Panic disorder treatment will help reduce the severity and frequency of your panic attacks, and enhance your everyday experience

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  4. kara121 4 years ago

    yea for a better panic disorders and adhds, you may want a better medicine which can really help you through out. With these ritalin adhd , check out more at ridofdepression.com

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