Theres a panick attack on its way right now and im trying to prevent it happening by blogging right now. Why is it happening? Because Im hungry and cant cook, im going to be ovrdrawn amd cant get a job because of my social anxiety or other training or mental appoinyments that i keep missing and ruining because ofmy anxiety. Im calming down because ofthis and after eatinga bit. My anxiety is so high right now. I keep forgetting to breathe then feel pressure in my chest and worried a palpitation wil happen so i take the odd breath when i remember. Its mainly because i feel like theres no nurture and im scared. Nobody really wants me. Im a highly nurturig person but nobody wants me to be there for them either. I also disagree with the world. Im scared of weirdos trying to mess my life up or perv on me. Iv got a fear of passing out incase weirdos in my family end up seeing me in hospital and try to rape or fiddle with me. this is what im really feeling but you cany exacty say stuff like this can you. Life would be right ifi was born a boy. Maybe coming out will make socialising work but i dont know how to do it. Looking in the mirror and beingreminded i am a girl is becoming more and more unbearable, especially coming from others how it effects the waythey treat you. I dont have the social intelligence to work it all out. I dont even have the social intelligence to be able to work out ifsomeone is happy or sad, never mind that. I feel like im going to die and i cant explain why. I feel like im desperate for a cuddle but either its just perverts you have to avoid or i cant let myself really fall into the cuddle because i feel guilty about decieeving them that im a girl when im not. Im in the wrong body. How am i supposed to work out how i should act around people. Im also scared of bullying