Is anyone out there scared of the concept of "forever"? I did not think twice about "forever" when I made the decision to get married. I am excited by the concept of forever now that I am married to the most wonderful person in the world. But I am terrified by the concept of being depressed forever.
Hi, I am new to DT. This is my first blog to tell the short version of my story. I have struggled with depression for as long as I can remember. Middle school, high school, college, adulthood. I tried medication in high school and decided it was not for me. I entered therapy a second time in college and found it very helpful but I was not in a stable environment to really expore the root of my problems. Then,I had the best experience of my life: meeting my husband, falling in love, and eventually getting married. There was still depression during this time, but nothing could get me down. As life is settling back down, I find myself being pulled back down to the hole that all of us try to avoid. I realized I have turned my back on my problems for my entire life, hoping things would get better. In the past, there were always aspects of my life that I wanted to change, and I thought would make me happy. Now I know, I was just running from the depression, thinking I could cure myself of it by getting a new job, or moving into a new house. Now, I have a wonderful, lovinghusband, beautifulhome, a great job, and I am still depressed. There is not one aspect of my life that I want to change right now, and I realize that I need to change me. I need to focus on me, get to the root of the problem.
I made the decision to re-enter therapy and just had my second session last night. I am scared out of my mind. It is already so difficult, so confusing, so tiring, and my depression has increased tenfold practically overnight. So, here I find myself reaching out to all of you for support on this journey. I feel isolated, I don't want to dump these problems on my family or friends. But mostly, I can't even talk about it without crying, and people look at me like I'm insane and need to be committed. Or they pity me, which is also something I don't want.
Anyone out there have a similar experience? Share your stories with me! Check out my profile (it's a work in progress), add me as a friend. I hope to get to know all of you better in the near future.
Thanks for listening, please leave me your comments!