Okay, so here's the car situation: the thingy that filters the gas fumes is cracked. Technically, the rest of my car doesn't give a shit and will continue to operate as well as she usually does BUT I won't pass emmisions testing when I need to renew my plates in December. Not an immediate worry, but I'll need to cough up around $400 sometime between now and then. Yesterday, I paid $150 just to find out I couldn't afford to fix the problem, but at least I have a little piece of mind knowing my car will not explode on the way to the bridge I've been planning on hurling myself from. Hah-hah. Bad joke.

I'm feeling better than I was yesterday. I told my fiance that I was really trying to hold it together, because if I get really depressed I will be good for nothing. I need to keep functioning with my wits firmly in place. This too shall pass.

A couple of weeks ago, my sister-in-law-to-be quit her job because she was bored. She was a receptionist for some park district in the Chicago area–picnic reservations and whatnot. Bored? Well, who cares? Let ME have your boring job then! Ugh! What a bitch… She, knowing how hard her brother and I are struggling to find better jobs, airily confessed that she was "taking the summer off". Must be nice to quit your job on a whim and not worry about finding a new one. This is the type of thing that makes me feel like an ass for all my hard work. Sometimes it feels like people know the exact angle to twist the dagger in my heart. Intellectually, I'm sure it wasn't a personal dig–but his sister and her husband really are a couple of grade-A assholes. No doubt, my fiance's dad's estate is being skimmed as it sits in the escrow account, under her power… but that's another story, better left unbreached.

Normally, I wouldn't concern myself with someone else's money/inheritance, but my fiance is counting on the full ammount to pay off his student loans and maybe put a little down-payment on a house. God(dess), please don't let them stand in the way of us getting a house of our own. I don't think I could bear it without murdering them both. We can't even afford to sue them if they did cheat everyone.

DF and I are good people who try to live in honesty and integrity despite our difficulties. How do people who claim to be Christians justify sticking it to other people out of spite. God is just some character they've molded to their own purposes. No matter what, they always seem to think they're at peace with Him, but is (S)He at peace with them? I think deep down that's a question they don't want the answer to.

I guess the point is just to keep on keepin' on, right?


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