So yesterday was a horrible day. We had two emergencies come in at once, and because I didn\'t think to look in the cat\'s carrier first rather than listen to the owner talk calmly about how her cat had not been eating well and was a little lethargic, I didn\'t realize her cat was in need of medical attention in that moment. Not that the cat would have lived anyway, it was a slim chance that we could have saved it, but still, that slim chance was taken away by one small overlook. I feel overwhelming guilt for that even though I know it was a simple, honest mistake that could have happened to anyone and probably didn\'t make a huge difference in the outcome anyway. I work in a place that rather than berating me for hours (like my last boss would have), I was told what I could have done different in a constructive manner and when I agreed that things should have been handled differently, was told it was more than just me, it was something they all would have done, so we will be changing policy that any sick patient, whether new, old or whatever, the first thing we do when they walk in is peek in the carrier to make sure they are not in need of immediate medical attention. 

I came home, talked with some of my neighbors, helped a family get the medicine they needed (but couldn\'t afford) for their kittens, then drowned myself in alcohol. I had 3 drinks at home before my friend called me, she was at my doorstep, hadn\'t a clue how bad my day had been but figured I could use some fun. So I got dressed and we went out. It was fun to be out with friends and definitely more alcohol helped me forget about the day. Would have been a perfect night out if the creepy old man didn\'t feel up my boobs at the bar…. 

Overall though, I really felt like I had real friends. People who cared enough to come get me and get me out of the house. They didn\'t need the excuse that I had had a bad day, they just wanted to hang out with me. 

So yeah, I don\'t know how I\'m feeling because I\'m feeling too many things at once, thankful for friends, guilty about the cat, sad for the cat and her owner, angry and disgusted with the creepy old man…. How come I always feel more negative than positive things??????

Sorry, I know this blog is all over the place, but so is my mind right now. I\'m not hung over because I\'m smart when I do drink, I drink a lot of water with it so I\'m not dehydrated and my kidneys get flushed out…. I also don\'t drink often so 6 drinks was enough last night to get me completely wasted….. 3 was enough that I was already drunk…..

 

1 Comment
  1. thelifeofjade 10 years ago

    I\'m sorry that yesterday was so awful. 🙁 From my own personal life I can sympathize completely about feeling guilt. It\'s in my opinion one of the worst and hardest emotions to shake. In truth I think guilt is an emotion that you have to overcome in time. But just remember and know that it wasn\'t your fault and that even with your best efforts things would have come to pass just as they have. i think that negatives are far easier to believe and see because they are what live in our minds. For me positive emotions and experiances last the time they are lived and while I can still recall them…if there was any part of a negative that is what my mind will dwell on. It\'s part of the \'glass is half empty\' way of thinking of things and I think that as depressed or anxious people we battle with those things alot more then the average person and more then we care to.

    Try to focus on the good things of your day. When things are such as they are for you I like to, everytime a negative thoguht enters, try to back it up with one of the positives. You seem to work in an environment that understands even if you feel the guilt of it which is huge in my opinion! And after a bad day a friend instinctively knows you need some time out having fun. As far as the creepy old guy…try to not let that linger…old men are creepy and pervy but you can\'t let him have any power over you! You\'re better then him.

    I hope that today is better for you!
    xx jade

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