well i have been having a really bad couple of days i miss my son as i always do but i have not one single update about him from his mother or his grandmother who currently has custody of him i asked for pictures but i know they never sent them i know he doesnt remember me because he was only 11mnths old when i moved back to wv from washington state so iam not gonna try and force them to make him have contact with me he is only 2 1/2 now i just want to know how he is and see what he looks like now. there is nothing legaly barring me from contacting him except his mother and grandmother. well iam also having a bad time because my divorce has been delayed by his mom because she wants me to suffer she has told me this she is currentlypregnant by the guy she left me for so that kinda kills me but i know her mother will end up with this child too i do still have feelings for her because iam stupid but anyway i tried to commit suicide the other day but it failed well i have alot of pain but noone to talk too because they think i should be different and happy i try to explain my stateof mind but its like they dont hear me and when i do have an episode or as they calling a pity party they tell me to shut up i really dont know what iam going to do any more i wantto be excepted by ppl so much that i try so hard but i guess iam overbaring ireally wish i knew what to do i just sit in my roomand cry i want to do things but i just find a way to deter myself