So, last time I wrote, I was debating on whether or not to go on a date.  I had been stalling due to poor self confidence.  A few people here encouraged me to go and I ended up having a great time.  What could have been a 1 hr date was 5 hrs long!  It went well and was a boost to my self confidence.

Since then it has been frustrating.  I had heard from the guy several times so he seemed interested, but it had been hard trying to plan another date.  We were supposed to go out tonight but he has ignored my message which was an attempt to nail down plans (what time, what to do, etc.).  So, no date tonight.  Sigh.  It is a disappointment, and I can tell it is making me depressed.

Stuff like this is a huge part of why I was avoiding getting back into dating.  It isn’t good for my depression.  I could be at a hockey game right now but I gave up those plans to go on a date tonight, which isn’t going to happen.  Now I’m alone tonight and feeling rejected and frustrated. 

So what will I do tonight?  Surf the web, listen to jazz, and drink wine.  Yes, I know alcohol isn’t good for depression but I’m going to have some anyway.  I’m having a date with myself tonight.

I have several messages on the dating website from other guys and I’m wondering if I should bother.  I know that not every guy is going to act this way.  However, I wonder if I’m ready to date.  Disappointment is part of the dating process.  How willl I take this getting stood up thing?  I want to handle it in a strong way, let it roll off my shoulder and move on.  But who knows what’s going on deeper.  Maybe I’ll wake up feeling miserable tomorrow morning.  Gosh I hope not. 

When I mentioned to my therapist, my parents, etc. that I went on a date everyone was SOO happy for me, like I had made a big step forward.  However, I sort of wish I hadn’t gone on it after all.  Now I have to deal with being rejected, I have to tell all these people that I was rejected, etc.  Before I was just lonely.  Now I’m lonely and rejected.

All well, I’m going to try to stay positive and not let depressive thoughts of being worthless, etc., take hold of me.

Take care.



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