I just decided that I wanted to talk about me, how I'm feeling, where I'm at. I've been considering my existence and debating what i need to do about where i'm at to help others and the world. I am a grown adult that can no longer support myself or my family, I am on food stamps , have no medical care, and yes I'm aging, whem my mom is gone from here I will be alone with no one to care about me. I feel as though my existence is of course painful, but also I feel of no use, except for my mom, but I am a person everyone hates because they work and pay taxes to feed me, people look down on me, I am shunned, shamed and very sad, I do not feel happiness and haven't for such along time. I feel like is this my illness, depression talking, or them winning, I do debate these issues, but it all comes back to me and the fact I literally have no life, I breath, struggle, get humilated by everyone, I'm always unhappy. I dread tomorrow. I feel like my being here is just a drain on society, I serve no purpose anymore, I'm trapped with no job, no car, no one to rescue me,lol. Maybe it's time to face the facts that my life is over. I had hoped that i would recover from them, this, but with no help , I just cannot, I mean I keep going on but what for? I'm afraid about what's to become of me later in life, who will be there for me? I am alone. What if I need care, no insurance, no job, no hope, do you know how hard it is to live wothout hope, dreams, the bare necissities? No one is going to help me and I've sat here for a yr. and a half, struggling, I'm tired, I want to give up, but I can't.

1 Comment
  1. dleley35 11 years ago

     i could be writing those same words.  with one small difference. i have the job, the car, but i am invisible to those around me.  i worry about what will become of me if i dont work.  i have struggled with just existing, then more struggles, to survival only to be happy ? for a short time before it all starts again.  i think of the different ways to leave this life as i know it….and cant do it either.  i never follow through,  ever   maybe the only one who can rescue us is ourselves by reaching so deep inside for that tiny spiral of a thread, woven by the ancestors so that we can continue on, catching that thread like the spider and float on the wind to where the spiral can continue and life goes on.   i am so sorry, i rambled again, i keep reaching for the thread  i hope you will find yours    peace and blessings, dianna

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