So, I had to go view my phone bill online to get the guy that I just ended it with’s phone #. i had deleted all of his texts and his calls after he left the other night. So, I may write him a text telling him I’m sorry for everything or I may call him. I’m still on the fence about it though. I mean, I ‘m just going to get rejected but I guess that’s what I need so that I can  get over my fear of  rejection. I think next year my resolution will be to date as many guys as I can so that I can conquer my fear. Isn’t that what datings all about – trying things out. Instead, I usually will date someone for a couple of months and then when it ends I won’t date for like a year.

Other than that, I’m stressed about money. Or rather, the lack thereof. But, who isn’t?

And, I’m thinking that I may take a Remeron tonight so that I can sleep. I was up all night last night. I don’t think that I fell asleep until 6am. And, I’ve almost smoked a pack of cigarettes in the last 7 or 8 hours. That can’t be good. So, I think I will quit again tomorrow. I’ll finish the pack, take a Remeron and sleep thru most of the withdrawls, I hope.  It shouldn’t be too hard — I quit so often.

It’s funny, I quit smoking for 4 years and then after I was diagnosed with cancer, I started smoking again. Granted, i was also going thru a very difficult breakup as well. But, ever since then, I’ve had a really hard time with smoking. and, I know how bad it is, but it’s so hard to  quit. i think it’s time to go and stock up on suckers. They seem to help the most with the cravings.