I couldn’t get up this morning. I realized I could not get to work in the mind set I was in. I made a to do list for today so that my day would not be a complete waste.
[hr]
[ul]
[li]get healthy[/li]
[li]clean room[/li]
[li]plan for tutoring[/li]
[li]plan for work[/li]
[li]school work[/li]
[/ul]
[hr]
So in the end, I cleaned my room, and thought about how I could get healthy again. It is not like I am sick, but I have a very unhealthy frame of mind right now. I am not thinking the way I normally do right now. How did I get to this point? I thought about how I was in the summer, when my life was “normal”, and I was happy with myself. In the summer, I woke up every day at 6:15, feeling wonderful & excited to start the day. I went jogging with my neighbor, then came home, showered had breakfast while watching a bit of television. This routine made me feel good throughout the day. I would do things every day, and I wanted to be with people. I was confident & happy. My life was NORMAL. [br] These days, I wake up in the morning, and I cannot get out of bed. I just want to sleep all day. I eventually drag myself out of bed, go to work, and feel tired all day. Then I go home, feeling down because I think everyone hates me or thinks I am weird or fat, and I just want to lock myself in my room and be alone. I read into other people’s actions and reactions too much. I think everyone is judging me. My life is not NORMAL anymore, because I am obsessing over things I should not even be thinking about.
[br] Deep down, I know that a person’s worth is not measured by their appearance. I don’t judge others by what they look like. So, if I know that a person’s value is not measured by their appearance, why do I feel like others are judging me for my appearance? It doesn’t make sense, but it is something that is holding me back right now. I don’t like myself right now. I don’t like what I look like, and I guess because I don’t like myself, I find it hard to see why others would like me.
[br] I need to sort out why I don’t like myself right now, and change it. So that I can get back to normal.