So…I guess…Mmm…I’m just gonna be flat out honest, okay? Life is f*****! I hate how people will look at a person and be so pervy like “hey, you’re hot”, just because I’m thick and look female and how people assume I enjoy wearing pink! And make-up! Don’t even get me started on the f****** makeup!!! Just because I’m white and have a common white girl name and enjoy coffee in no way means I am strictly female! Assumptions, dude. They piss me off. I want to reply “I’m f****** bi and pretty sure I’m both genders, okay?!!”, but I don’t and stay quiet. I suppose this whole thing started at 14. I had been in a temporary living space and there was this one chick. I don’t even remember her features or anything, but I just remember how bad I had it for her. And it confused me so greatly…I was like “okay. I like a girl. I like. A girl. Is this even right?” I never did anything, but I did tell her about it. All I received was a flat “I hear that a lot” and it was never spoken of again. I had told Mom about it before I had told the girl and was asked “how do you know you like her? How do you know what love is?” I was shut down…So, after that, I went through this whole “what if I was I guy?” phase. “Would that change anything?” This s#!t also confused me, so I didn’t know what to do. I never spoke a word about it to anyone. Speed up a bit. 17. New place, same feelings. I had kinda dropped the guy thing, but it still stayed in the back of my mind. I had done my best to make it seem like a straight female, but I’m not quite sure how it was portrayed. I hated lying to people, but I didn’t know how I was gonna say it without offending them. I mean, I had friends for once! I didn’t want to lose them! They’re straight and Christian, for crying out loud (nothing against Christians)! I found of girl and started talking to her. She seemed like the type I could trust to say things I wouldn’t normally say out loud. And, I liked her, too. So…I told her and she said she liked me back. I-I feel like when I’m with her, I’m in an entirely different universe. I feel like I can fly and that the whole experience of the excitement cheers me up. Genuinely. It’s really difficult to feel…but I like it. Most of the time, I’m numb or depressed or anxious, but the happiness is nice for a change. I started accepting the whole LGBTQ thing. I knew if Mom ever found out, she’d be so angry. Or disown me more than she already has. I know I’m a troubled human, but I don’t want to be treated like a Neanderthal, you know? I was still considering the guy thing. The girl moved away, but we still talk over e-mail. Later, I met someone who was gender fluid. I thought to myself “that’s possible?” Then, I started considering it being a part of myself. I looked around for info and I’m STILL figuring it out currently. I think it might be the case, but I don’t know for certain. I accidentally told my guardians about both and they seem extremely confused. They want me to talk to my therapist, but she’s straight AF, so what the hell am I gonna do, you know? So… that’s pretty much where I’m at right now. I don’t feel like I’m completely understood and I’m in a lot of pain. Any advice would help! Pisces signing out.