What is love? I must not know. Cause every time I think I have it… its snatched away. I don’t know how I should feel, or how I should cope with this? Any help would be greatly appreciated =) I really need it.
So this is what happened. The last few months have been a real roller coaster for me. Between my little sister leaving and James leaving me. A lot of you I bearly know and I don’t have much time to really get to know you, open up to you or even talk to you. My sisters are my world. And recently my sister decided she needed out. She needed to get away from our aunt (which is who she lived with all these years cause her mother died a few years back) and so she called Children Services and things went on and they placed her in a group home. I’m still really angry at her for it.
Aside from that… things with James had become a little unreal. He wanted me to move to South Dakota with him, but I couldn’t move somewhere where my heart wasn’t in it. I tried desperatly to get him to reconsider, to move to Seattle with me. In the end he decided to go, but begged me to go with him. And said that in a year or so we could move where ever I wanted. I just couldn’t move. So we decided to keep in touch and see eachother as much as possible. He left on the 3rd of April. I havn’t heard from him in almost 2 weeks. I have left him messages and he doesn’t return them. He’s basically just disappeared and ditched me. And I am heartbroken. I don’t know if I should just move on and believe he has left me. Or if I should have hope that he will call soon. I brain has basically chosen to move on. Cause he’s hurt me so much before and all this just isn’t worth it. But my heart keeps screaming at me… cause we were together over 3 years. We were engaged! Why would a man propose marriage if he didn’t mean it? Why would he tell me to hold onto our love if he didn’t want it? Why would he beg me to move with him and give me hope to have faith in us if he didn’t want me? I just don’t understand this at all! How? Why? When? I just don’t understand! Someone, please! Help me understand. Help me figure this out! Its driving me crazy!