Manic, moody, and struggling.  Scoring heroin seemed like a really good idea, but I got through it.  I’m not going back.  Not today, anyway, and that’s all anyone’s got.  I feel lost and useless.  I have to go pick up some pictures for a guerrilla art project.  I am going to put together a collection of clouds in a jar (my photography, of course), and leave it somewhere appropriate.  Hopefully the right kind of person will find it.  I also want to collect puddles of rain water in a jar, and put it out there for someone to find.  The idea of this seems sort of magical to me.  It is the sort of thing that I want to be putting out there, into the universe.  It feels right, and purposeful.  I want to place photos in interesting places.  Sketches, whatever…  just to add a little art to the surround.  I also want to have a free art show by the lake, where I would give away the featured pieces (for free) to anyone who really wants one.  This would require my readiness on a day with good weather.  We will see.  So much to do…  in this state, it’s all very daunting.  I am very mentally and physically limited, right now.  I need to heal.  I need to rest.  But there is no time for that, now.  There’s just the work in fron of me.  And, I can’t ignore it, anymore.  I have to start getting things right, or I am going to start losing things. 

I don’t have much left to lose.

"Gonna walk right up and take my shot

But if I

Get it right

Will you turn?

But if I get it right, will you turn

Around and face what you’ve become?" (Lying In States, "Turn")