Today I came and visited my family in moval California.im feeling fine right now. Staying panic attack free.
I know I will be getting an attack sooner or later but so far so good .for a long time now, I have a plan to go back to school and get a less than two-year certificate   in business administration. The only thing is that i'm debating in either going to a community college or to a private college. Thinking so much about this I haven’t done a thing. Just stuck between my thoughts and reality. I know its stupid but i’m too scared. I sort of live in a fantasy world, I imagine myself out there. But it’s not real. It’s all in my head. I feel happy at times and think everything is going to go well today and it doesn’t go well when it’s actually happening. The truth is that my reality is much different than my imagination. I haven’t really been around a large group of people for example school or work for about 6 months. And the truth is that I am terrified to do so. I don’t want to go thru the same pain I went thru about 2 years ago, i’m scared of my depression coming back. At this moment I feel like its gone for good, but for some reason once I’m out there, away from my comfort zone it’s a whole other story, I lose myself, I start getting those horrible negative thoughts, some anxiety attacks and overall pain all over my upper body and legs. I am, dying to go out there but I am also scared that I change my mind and I just want to go home and crawl into bed n rest forever. That’s how I used to feel @ work.
The only good thing out of all this is that now things will be different because i’m more open to talk about my anxiety disorder and my depression with friends, and now I have the support of all the tribe people. With this I think things will change for the better for me.

I want to be free and I don’t want stay stuck between my thoughts and my reality anymore.

1 Comment
  1. nelson 13 years ago

    You sound so good and beautiful with your words.i am confident you will surmount your challenges and lead a life you have always imagined and moreso your desicion determines your destiny.

     Decide today on which school you want to go private or comunity college and go for it because you will graduate a strong and beautiful executive.

     Smile more and be happy with life because life is beautiful with people like yourself

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    0 kudos

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