Hello all,
In reading through the message boards and other peoples blogs, this seemed to be the direction to start.
I found the tribe via a google web search and signed up and I have to say that people really do seem to get it. So far I have seen all spectrum of emotions, which gives me hope that perhaps I can find some calm in the storm….
My story is not a new one, but it is mine own.. I grew up with my mom being a single parent, after my father took his life when I was 4 years old, I have fragments of memories of him, but nothing concrete.
My mother, god rest her soul, did the best that she could, but she was wrestling with her own demons, Alcohol being the biggest and nothing I could diagnose, but I suspect some depression as well, so I was what I would call emotionally abused, as she was distant, but I know that she loved me.
Growing up, I always had bouts of black depression, but could snap out of them pretty easily, by pulling a silly prank with some friends, but as I got older, these bouts became harder & harder to shake off… Now being a father of two young girls (a six and 18 month old) and having a wonderful wife, I am trying to find a way to break out of this cycle, so that I do not pass this on to my kids…
I have been to see therapists, but I haven't really found the right one apparently, as towards the end of my therapy with each & every one of them, they became more like a BS session, versus actually addressing the help I needed, and I acknowledge that it was my inability to want to dive deep with them…
So I'm debating going on a hunt for another therapist, and starting on medication, but I dread going through the "finding the right cocktail that works" stage… but realize that this is a necessary step towards getting me better…
I wonder at times if it is finding the right chemistry between you & your therapist or is it just more about opening up to heal what you need to release, and no matter who you are seeing, they will help you…
Anyhow, just wanted to say hello to the community and wish everyone a good evening and Merry greetings.
Cheers!
I wanted to say welcome. Your post touched me personally because I have been through a little bit of what you have. My father did not take his own life, but my parents divorced when I was 5 and I didn't see him for years afterwards. When he finally did decide to come back in my life he was drunk most of the time. But the way you must have felt being so young and knowing your father took his life really moves me. My own daughters were 8 and 4 when I attempted suicide. They do not know what I tried to do, only that I was in the hospital for two weeks.
I have only been to one therapist, but I don't feel they helped at all. My therapist spent a lot of time talking about things in his own life and didn't really try to get me to open up much. I think it is really important that you have a connection to your therapist. One thing I have learned from my time here is the blogs help me. Just being able to vent my feelings sometimes helps me feel much better. If you need a friend to discuss anything, this is the place to be.
Thanks all for the comments.
Blah, I agree that blogging helps, I think that having a space, where you can just fire off your thoughts to the world and get constructive & helpful feedback is priceless.
Look forward to seeing you all in the new year.