This year, I realized that I feel guilty for many things. Most of these are illogical since I am not exactly at fault for them. I decided to list some of them here so that I can later examine why I may feel this way.
I feel guilty for:
- having wished that I was dead or never born, when there are so many people whose lives are cut short due to illness, accidents, or crimes. These people would probably have a greater and better impact on the world than me.
- feeling sorry for myself, when there are people who have much less than me. There are people around the world that do not have shelter, clean water, medicine, a reliable food source, and more.
- being a financial burden to my parents. They work very hard to put me through college and I often hear them speaking about how money is tight.
- lying to my parents. It’s not so much the lies about how I’m doing emotionally; I do not really feel guilty for keeping them from worrying. It's the fact that I told them that I would tell them if I was feeling worse.
- not talking to my friends. Random strangers know that I am depressed, but my best friend does not. In fact, I do not know much about any of my friends and they do not know much about me.
There's so much more and I could go on for hours in my head. However, I am just too tired right now to think any more.
Trying to not feel guilty for things I think are bad was the first step to my recovery. I'm sorry you feel so guilty about that stuff, remember, it's normal.
I found it really hard but I had to let in the people closest to me. They didn't know why I lashed out at them and I felt so incredibly alone. Once I did, however, I felt relieved. It was huge when they were trying to understand how I was feeling. It has brought me and my boyfriend closer, and my family are really understanding.
I think you should give yours the chance to try. I used to hate talking to them, but I think in the long run it has helped. At the time it seemed pointless and really hard, but I swear they have felt more included in my recovery. I'm far from better but I feel that with the support of my family and friends I am on my way up and out.
Good luck with yours.
I admire your frankness and the items you have listed are things that I had not thought of in that light, but I will now. Thank you for sharing your insite.