These are the things that in the past couple days I have come to understand:
1.) Depression is catching. My roommate has been pretty depressed these last couple weeks and I realized today that it has been making me worse too. Imagine coming home everyday to this depression cloud. But now that I realize it, I’m working on not letting it get to me.
2.) You can overanalyze a situation until it makes you crazy but that doesn’t change the past. It’s ridiculous to waste time thinking about what I should’ve, could’ve done. It’s time to leave the pieces behind and focus on the future.
3.) Being single sucks. That’s truth. But I can deal with it. That’s also truth. There is someone out there who is waiting for me to find myself and figure me out and be ready for a relationship. I’m not ready now. I know this, being in a relationship right now would be a mistake. I would make him my universe again and I would be crushed when/if we broke up. I want to be ready for a serious relationship but I’m not. I NEED to take this time to find me.
4.) Today may be bad, but that doesn’t mean tomorrow is going to be terrible too. The future is unwritten and I am completely in charge of mine. And I’m going to make it the best damn future I can.
5.) Religion. Church. I still don’t understand this part of me. But I know that I believe there is a God. I like to read the bible. I know that I have sinned but I know that God wants me back. I just have to figure out how to get back. Also, Mormon is not the only religion out there. I may not believe everything they believe but that doesn’t mean my mom is wrong for believing it, and it may disappoint her that I don’t feel like I need to go to church to believe in God, but it’s my life and she’s just going to have to love me for me or not love me at all.
6.) My mom. My dad. My family. They are all different. They all want different things for me, from me. But I’ve come to the conclusion that I have to do what makes ME happy and stop worrying about them. They have lived their lives and now it is my turn. And I want to live my life happily, not miserably.
Well for now these are the things that I am learning and understanding. And to be honest, I feel better already. I’m letting some things go and I’m finding me. The real, honest to goodness, true, ME.