Sorry I haven’t been on for awhile. Work picked up a little bit so I’ve been busier with that. Also I’ve just been reading a lot. Being on break from school means I can actually read for fun instead of just boring textbooks. I went to the library last week with the intention of getting maybe three books – I came out with nine I’ve read four so far.
I put myself back on my tegretol (mood stabilizer) a few days ago. Normally I don’t play around with my meds and self-medicate, but my doctor was out of town for the week, I wasn’t comfortable talking to the on-call docs (I get my treatment where I work) and I was having scary suicidal thoughts. Thoughts of taking a bunch of ativan and drinking some tequila with them. Scary. I was also really irritable and agitated. I figured it was a result of my mood dropping after getting off the mood stabilizer so I went back on it. It’s been a few days and my mood is MUCH better – and no more suicidal thoughts. I have an appointment with my doc tomorrow so I’ll tell him about last week and taking the med again.
I just realized today that the semester starts this Saturday – and I have all my classes on Saturday! I thought the semester started next Monday, so I wouldn’t have class until next Saturday. I’m so not ready to go back. I’ve enjoyed this break and it went too fast. This is my last semester of graduate school so I should be excited and ready to get it over with, but the truth is, I’m just burned out on school. My internship will start sometime next week – I have orientation next Monday. I’m going to be working on an adult mood disorder unit (ironic, isn’t it?) This internship is where I really learn to become a therapist – where I actually AM the therapist! I’m nervous about it, but excited too. It seems weird that I don’t have my own issues straightened out but I’ve learned that in working in mental health, since the focus isn’t on you, but on your client, it’s actually easier to work through their issues.
Thank you for all the comments and well-wishes I’ve received. I really appreciate the support I receive here. It’s good to connect with people who really get it, who really understand.