Well yesterday me and my husband got into a huge argument. Friday night i had a bad feeling about something, i just didnt know what. Friday nights is my husbands night out with his guy friends. I was sittin on the couch when i heard my husband phone beep. Naturally i look over to check if it was his or mine cause they make the same noise. I saw that a girl named Veronica had text him. In my mind i wondered why she was textin him so late. Anyways i told him his phone beeped and he came and got it and continued to get ready for the night. I started to feel really anxious at this point. I got up and asked him if he was gonna go out to the club after the car show and he said yes. I wondered why when i asked himn earlier why he didnt tell me. He just said he was going to a car show. I assumed Veronica would be going but i didnt ask about her cause i didnt want to make him uspet. Now, Veronica is a lady that works at the YMCA where my daughter attends after school, she is also a childood friend of my husband. I never really had a problem with her until they started trying tohang out on his GUY nights. If he is supposed to hang out with the guys thats what its supposed to be. I wish he would have been honest and beenlike i invite Veronica along. I hate sneakyness and shadyness. Anyways he left, and i tried to relax and think about it, but it kept eating at me so i looked up his phone record and saw that they called each other back and forth that night. I also saw his text messages about them meeting up after the car show to go to the club with his friends. But thats not what really is bothering me. In the text she was like "i need to find something to wear." Then my husband made some German joke to her and she replied " F U". Then my husband asked "is that an offer". I thought that was so imappropriate. Why would he ask something like that? I was so heated, because 2 weeks prior we had a discussion about what is friendly and whats inappropriate cause he was rubbin his private part on someones ass an grabbin people asses. I thought we had an understanding. Now i must tell you that my husband is a jokester. So a lot of things that he does is crazy but that is his personality but some things i think he shouldnt do cause its embarrassing and disrespecful to me. Well the next morning i asked him about it and that turned into a disaster He was so pissed that i looked into his phone info. I understand that i was wrong and i apologized for it but at the same time he needed to realize his fault as well. Like when i asked him about Veronica the next morning he tried to lie about her and the text, then i asked to see his cell phone and as he was putting in the password i saw him delete the text feed. Then lied about doing it. I already knew what the text messages said. Im so angry that im gong through this. I know i was wrong for lookin but he is wrong for having inappropriate conversations with girls and touching them sexually. But he doesnt see that. This isnt the only time i had to deal with this with him. Everything isa freakin joke with him. I want to leave but i dont know how to be ok with that decision. I just wish he would just do the right thing and get his shit together. He does everything shy of sleeping with other women. He thinks as long as he aint sleeping with him he isnt cheating. Im like whatever. The things youare doing are wrong. I hate being married and i hate being in relationships cause guys always finda way to hurt you. Imso sick of the BS. Im a very loving person. I take care of our family and home. I go to school full time. Im not ugly, nor am i fat. I dont feel like i should be treated this way. If you could have only heard the mean and hurtful things he was saying to me. I keep rewinding it over and over in my head. I cant believe that stuff would come out of his mouth after all the things i have done for him. Anyways divorce kept gettin thrown out there. We are in a very weird place righ now. We been going to marriage counseling for about a month and a half weekly. It has been going GREAT until yesterday. now we are back at square one. I feel like this is never going to work cause he doesnt repect me and my feelings. He always does what he wants to do and always has to be the center of attention whether its good or bad. Well im really at a low point right n ow. I havent ate, and i dont sleep well. Im just so lost. How do i become ok with all this. This isnt even half of the crap i go through with him.

6 Comments
  1. alwayssad1707 10 years ago

    thank you, cartonsghost. i really appreciate your advice. i have a hard time putting myself first, but that is definitely something im going to work on. i know i deserve better.

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  2. wingless_dragon 10 years ago

     I hate to say it but this sounds like he was "busted" angry. He would have no reason to be upset if he wasn't up to anything. You may have nothing to worry about, though. He was probably aware that he was flirting and that you wouldn't approve, but some people are just more flirtatious and open, and make friendly banter bordering on inappropriate, which can be hard to understand for someone who isn't. If he is just exting this is one thing. I can't imagine how upset and suspicious I would be in your situation, but feeling those negative emotions and arguing about them is not going to make him less likely to stray and could have the opposite effect. I am definitely no relationship expert, but I think that the first step if you feel there is something worth saving is to move swiftly past this issue and get to the real matter; what is making him so uncomfortable with being open with you and telling you that he talks to this person outside of the professional setting. That in itself should be no big deal to either of you; the lying is the real issue.

    I'm not sure how far you can go establishing boundaries for someone else. If he feels what he is doing is appropriate I would assume he is going to keep doing it no matter what anyone says, but if he cares about your marriage and your feelings, then he should see that he does go too far, even as a joke,. Maybe you should clearly define your expectations and let him know ahead of time what is unacceptable behavior for a married man, because perhaps he has never considered it? He will probably see this as you trying to hold him back and censor him, but if he truly cares about you he should make more of an effort to respect your feelings and wishes for your marriage

    That is just where I would start, anyway. Sorry if I am completely wrong. Good luck and take care 

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  3. alwayssad1707 10 years ago

    you know what, im all about saving my marriage, but IM alwasy the one trying to keep our marriage together. Now its to the point where i dont want to try. I have talked to him about what i would like out of our marriage and what i think is appropriate. I also try when he does certain things to bring it to his attention right then. He;ll apologize but it always happens again and i can imagine what else happens when im not around. We plan on bringing it up to the counselor this week. I guess we will see what will happen. Thank you so much for the advice.

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  4. snowdreamer 10 years ago

    I spent the last 14yrs with a man not married but just the same we were together like we were and he was a flirt and that hurt me sometimes too and he would get upset if I said anything about it so I kept quiet.  The deal was I was to move back here to be with my sick parents and kids and their kids and he was going to move with me in about a year he had to finish up his work well it turned into 2yrs then 3 but then he kept telling me how much he loved me and we'd see each other every few months or so and then when it was time for him to come and I went out to pack things up I noticed things just weren't the same with him or his family.  I spent the week doing what I came for and then went back home and he called me when I got home and said he wasn't moving here and gave me all kinds of excuses as to why which were good reasons but then I asked are you seeing someone else and he said yes he'd been seeing and talking to her for about a year and still telling me he loved me and was moving with me….I was so humiliated when I found out even his family knew about this.  I was livid I can't tolerate a liar and that's exactly what he did he lied to me for a year and when he'd drive for hours up to see her he'd tell me he'd just taken a short trip to unwind.  So that was lies too.  Now I can't trust anyone because of lies so I may never be in another relationship because of it and not being able to trust.  My marriage on the other hand sounded just like yours with the hollering and so forth so honey do what's best for YOU….tell the counselor about what your feeling and see what they say ok?  I went to marriage counseling with my ex and she told me I needed to think about myself right in front of him and told him he needed to be more respectful to me which ticked him off butoh well so then divorce came up and I filed the next day I was so done with all the bs…think about it and what's best for you and then proceed from there darlin…if you want to talk I'm always around here just send me a note ok?  Good luck and I'll be thinking about you…

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  5. Ebonee 10 years ago

    I wish I had a answer for you but, one thing for sure your feeling  are valid. I went through a similar  situation with my husband . I learned that once the respect and trust is gone from the marriage it has no grounds to stand on. I'm thinking at this point in your marriage you should consult God. Pray on!

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  6. alwayssad1707 10 years ago

    thank you everyone for you kind words and advice. it is much appreciated.

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