The year 2007 is about me getting better and it doesn’t seem like that is going to happen. I need to get a job to pay my bills and to get a car so i can stop depending on my boyfriend for a ride to school and also so whenever i need to get the fuck out of my house i can just leave. But i can’t get a job if i don’t have a car first cuz i live far away from like everything another problem is my fucking depression makes it so hard for me to keep a job. I get upset and start to cry in public and i hate that. Then there is my boyfriend before my car broke down and i had to quit my job we would see each other all the time and hang out whenever either of us had free time. but now he makes it seem like its a burden to hang out with me. He says its cuz he has to drive all the way over here to see me its like a 40 min drive if there is heavy traffic and like 15-20 if there is none. i think that he just doesn’t want to be with me anymore and it hurts. I try to say nothing and keep it to myself but with school starting tomo he is complaining about coming to pick me up and driving me back home.I love him LOT BUT he is such an asshole to me….he says he loves me but sometimes he wants to break up with me. I just think that if you love someone you will go the extra mile for them and be there no matter what. But it seems like im the only one who has this mentality everyone else is like your on your own. When i had a car i would go see him just about everyday i would be in his house more than in my own. Well with no car i can’t try to get help cuz i have no ride. my stepfather is an asshole who takes my moms car all day and leaves us stuck here instead of fixing his and letting her use hers. so everything that i want to do is in the air right now and i’m hoping to can control myself and not cut today.
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