Hey guys, I apologize for another post like this but I just feel like crap right now and need some advice.
Mom has been angry yesterday and today, and has taken it out on me again. I don't know how to make her happy. I mean I do everything she tells me to, and it seems like she finds something else to be angry about. She's always complaining to me about money and about people not showing up when she wants them to.
I apologized for not telling the guy to work on the shed when he was going to because we were supposed to get a tropical storm that week, and it turned into Florida instead so it would have been the perfect week to work on it. And since it's rained and the guy hasn't called. When I apologized she told me that I need to "stop feeling so f***ing sorry for myself".
I don't know if she's angry at me for moving away. I wish I had the courage to stand up to her when she starts yelling at me but I'm afraid that she'll disown me if I did. So I just stand there and take all of her anger.
I wish I was a better person. I wish I could be everything she wants. And I constantly fail her. Every day that I wait for someone to call about a job is another failed day.
When I asked about Alaska, she said I was trying to run away from her. I told her no, that it wasn't that at all and that I was just applying there because a professor said they were looking for geologists.
Well that was partly a lie. Right now I really am trying to move away from Mom. I don't want to live another moment in this house, where we hide who we really are. I often compare myself to a caged bird because I can't just fly away, I'm trapped here. I don't hate Mom, I just…I can't keep putting up with the way she treats me. And I'll never be able to fly if I remain caged up in this house.
I just wanted to ask what to do, I mean not about the jobs but about me. I don't know how to tell myself that I am worth something when I feel so worthless.
Thanks, and I'm sorry about all of this. I can't stand this stress and this waiting for something to happen when Mom seems to get angrier every day.
If I haven't mentioned my working situation just yet, I did get a phonecall from a job who is interested in me. They will call soon to let me know when my interview is with them, and they said it should be sometime next month. I'd be going to a town close to Atlanta, GA, for the interview and will look for apartments up there while I'm visiting. It's a good area for me because I'll be about 2 hours away from both a family friend and my brother, plus I've always wanted to live in a small town. Just waiting for them to call and tell me when to come.