so this week has been awful. last friday i go to my md doc due to the therapist group i am going to cant seem to get me into their dr to see about meds. and he puts me on a different ssri zoloft. i was on prosac a year ago for a year previous and ended up in a suicidal state. because of everything else that was going on in my life at the time doc seems to think it wasnt the drug so i agreed to try this. i thought maybe it was working(yes i know they say it takes 4 weeks but that has never been the case with any med i have taken) but sunday rolls around…day 3…and i started to panic. was convinced the kids were going to come home from their dads sick. worked myself up into a state of chaos. it has pretty much been that way everyday. i havent felt well myself either (allergies and asthma) and turns out my daughter did have a sinus infection monday and stayed out of school monday and tuesday, which didnt help matters.

i have tried to stay busy. have rearranged all the bedrooms, done all the laundry and gone thru everyones clothes to take out the ones that they have grown out of. dishes have stayed caught up and so has my homework. the down side to this is i have to MAKE myself do any of this. all i want to do is crawl back into bed which is not a good sign. the klonapin has started making me drowsey which it has never done before, so now i just feel sedated yet still paniky. i dont know what to do. i see my therapist tomorrow. gonna talk about it. and alternated relaxation or therapy. also gonna call the doc and see if maybe i can get switched to a beta blocker instead of a ssri. anyone have luck with those?

ok, now i am just rambling. praying for a better day tomorrow and a longer fuze. my kids are lucky i havent locked them out of the house this week LOL