Hello to anyone who reads this,

 

its been about 6 months almost since I last wrote a blog here.

I guess where do I start. I have been off work since December 2017. I commenced antidepressants, spoke to counsellors, psychologist and my GP.

And for a while I was numbed to all emotions. My mood was always jumping from highs to lows. Eventually I weaned myself off antidepressants (my GP wanted me to commence another form of antidepressants but I found I was drowsy and much more clouded in logic on medication) and had clearer thoughts, could function and do self care more efficiently.

Now I find myself going down a deep dark hole and I keep fighting it because I can’t let this depression win. Tonight I resigned officially from my job. I haven’t been back to work for almost 6 months and they had kindly kept my position open but I decided it was fairer on everyone if I resigned. So I did. And now I feel .. like I have nothing left to keep me going.

Financially I am now struggling as I have no income and know it is time to apply for government assistance and hope for the best.

I just feel helplessly lost. What does one do in situations like this? I speak to all my friends and my sister and discuss my decisions .. my thoughts

I don’t know if resigning was the best thing to do but I also know returning was not safe and I knew I would not be focused and not be able to give 110%. I know myself that I am an extremely hard worker and to not be able to go back to work makes me feel like an utter failure.

Right now I am trying to think about the good and bad outcomes of this and also that perhaps what I am going through, there is some reason for it all.

 

Thank you to anyone who reads this

3 Comments
  1. kath196 5 years ago

    Thanks for your post. I struggle with depressive episodes and wondering what in life is worth the struggle. If your work didn’t feel like a safe place then I commend you for not returning. Too many of us have been in too many unsafe environments in the past—putting yourself in another could potentially just make the depression worse. Please know that you’re not alone. I can chat anytime. Thanks.

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      homieggg89 5 years ago

      Thank you so much for your words. I guess there was a level of … self criticism and feeling like a failure being unable to work.

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  2. mddandme 5 years ago

    You know what is best for you. Hope everything works out. Quitting a job is tough.

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