Hello all, I'm not sure if anybody remembers me, because it has been about six months since I've been on. First off I want to apologize to the people who sent me messages, and commented on my page that I didn't respond to. The last six months have been pretty crazy for me. I have been working on a cruise ship. Part of the reason I got the job is because I know you work everyday, and at that point I was looking for something to keep my mind occupied. Well it worked somewhat. The best thing to come out of it was I found a girlfriend on the ship, a very sweet, understanding girl. She was born in the Phillippines, and is about 6 years older than me (I'm 20 and she's 26). I feel very grateful to have met her, she made it a lot easier to work on the ship.
I remember last time I was on this site I had just come out of a horrible experience with a relationship, but the people on this site truly helped me get through that time. I really appreciate it. If you don't believe that people can make a difference, make you feel better through the internet, I am living proof. When I look back on that time, I think of this site as the only positive thing. I wanted to keep in touch with everyone here, but I didn't realize how little time I would have for any recreational activities on the ship.
Well anyway, I did my first contract, 6 months. I am now on my 3rd week of vacation, in total I have 6 weeks so halfway through. There were so many challenges for me on the ship, and as far as my OCD goes it was up and down. I probably had around 3 or 4 pretty good weeks as far as that goes, which I am very grateful for, because as you know any actual "peaceful" time is valuable. It's a constant struggle for control, sometimes I win, sometimes I lose.
I knew before I left that vacation was going to be hard. I had to leave my new girlfriend, and already those same doubts run through my mind. I tried to think that she has already seen me at my worst, and that nothing I could do now would harm our relationship, but that doesn't work.
I have come close to scheduling an appointment with a counselor, so I can get some medication (something I should have done a long time ago), but then I get a fear that it will change my personality, and thus, whatever it was that attracted my new g/f to me would be gone. I've been practicing a technique that someone told me. I try to imagine whatever fear I have currently has happened, so I can see that it's really not the end of the world. That is a good technique, it has worked for me more than any other probably. Sometimes my mind just won't allow me to do that though.
I hope everyone here has been doing well, and I have thought about several of you while I've been gone. Thanks for all your support.