Alright…So I wrote this message to confront griffon about the anxiety it's been causing me not knowing if I can trust him or if he's someone who is just going pick and stab at my unhealed wounds and scars…God even posting it here is giving me a panic attack, feels like i'm gonna have a heart attack…ugh…
This probably must be….really weird to be getting this from someone like [i]me[/i]. Hell, I didn't even know if I was gonna have the guts to send it or not, Or what will be the outcome of this message.
But, I think I just have to get it out in the open…and if all hell breaks loose afterwards…I'll have to deal with it, whether you actually read this or laugh it off I don't know. Anyway, There's something that has always been bugging me at the back of my mind, and i'm probably over thinking the situation, but it's just un-needed stress.
That question is, are you someone I can trust? Or are you another one of those people who feel the need to try to break though my barrier, and once you do you use that weakness and use it to pick at my unhealed wounds an scars?
Since the time I met you, It's been mixed signals, at times when something would happen or whatever, you'd help me out or when I was to scared to speak for our group in a class or something, you'd offer to do it instead, and you'd just acknowledge I was even there.
Then at other times, there'd be jokes, that would hurt- whether you did it on purpose or didn't know it hurt I don't know- and other people would join in, or it'd put me in a really uncomfortable situation, and I'd cry.
You probably think I'm annoyed by you or I hate you, But I don't. I just don't want to let me guard down, and find out that your doing something behind my back that would only cause another blow to me.
Alot has changed for me, physically and emotionally, if you saw me you probably wouldn't recognize me now (but that's not the point), That's probably why I'm even trying to ask you about this, I just want the truth if that's possible.
I'm not sure if i'm getting my point across or not, I've always been horrible when trying to talk to other people about what's on my mind, and I'm not sure if I can face people once i've actually done that.
I'm not say we have to be 'best buds', but I'd like to know if your someone who I can atleast trust and not have second doubts, or if your someone who just wants to mess with me. I'm not assuming anything because you can't judge a book by it's cover.
So, If you do read and reply to this….I'd just like the truth, I'm sorry if this was a burden to you, or if I didn't explain it well, I'm not trying to accuse you or judge you, I'd never do that to anyone, One more thing I ask though, Please keep this message to your self, It took alot just to write this and I don't want to be ripped apart by others who might take this the wrong way,
I hope that's not to much to ask, and I hope you have a good summer…"