So I'm still feeling blah today, but took my Mom out for lunch and did Christmas shopping afterwards. We had a pretty good time and we never get to spend "girl time" together, so it was a special treat. It made me feel better though , and I think her as well. So it was a good day in it'sown way.

I'm still feeling a lot of anxiety off and on, but when it's on it's fairly intense. The doc said thatit wouldtake up to a month of taking my Abilify for it to reach it's peak, and it is possible that taking it 4 hours late today may be part of the problem, lol. It's probably my own fault.

Every time I think about work my stomach knots up…anyone else have that issue? I mean I spend days fretting about going to work, trying to convince myself not to call out sick, not to freakout and make myself sick about it…even violin lessons. I don't understand it at all. I never used to be this way until I got so sick when I was pregnant with Zachary. I'm just scared all the time. It really stinks. :-(It gets to the point that I can't think, I just freeze up.

I took a nap today for only an hour or so, but I ended up having a nightmare about my son coming home sobbing and me not being awake to be there for him so I wokeup feeling….you guessed it…panicked. I wish I knew what to do to change it. It's a good thing that I'm going to see my therapist tomorrow, maybe she could help me with figure out some things (besides breathing techniques and meditation) to stop the flight/fight response in it's tracks as soon as it begins.

Tomorrow I also meet up with a representative for a company that does home-based work. I'm going to figure out whether I want to get involved or not. If I could work from home on my own schedule that would be wonderful. I'd probably keep my job cashiering (because it keeps me dealing with people) unless the business gets big enough that I don't have room for anything else.That would be nice. 🙂

I wish I wasn't so irritable and short-tempered tonight. But everybody seems to be in my personal space and won't leave me be which makes me high-strung and tense. Grrrrr!!!!

Thanks for all the prayers for my friend…I'm hoping she'll get through this well and only have to do the single round of treatment.

Well everyone, have a nice evening and sorry I'm complaining so much. I don't like this side of me, but it's there so I have to acknowledge it and give it voice sometimes. But hugs to all and love, light and blessings to all. Goodnight.

~ Key