so very tired. i wonder if its possible to be so tired that you can even be depressed.  i guess its a good thing to be this busy but the stress is starting to build. which is my main downfall. i always take on more than i should and for the sake of other people.. i run myself into the ground. and then i get back up after a small battle with myself and keep going. its a rough cycle. but i seem to be the only person that can help in the way i do for as many people as i do.

so now im left wondering when do i draw a line and say enough is enough. when do i say its time to take care of me. for someone like me who needs so much work but feels like its to much to ever fix….. i rather go out helping everyone i can instead of trying to fix myself.

i know all the responses like….  your worth it or  you need time for yourself…. or  what good is helping everyone if it does more damage to you. the hard part is getting myself to believe it. or to fight that lil voice inside me that says its just not worth all this…. deal with the mess and keep going… or give up.

i bet alot of people go through this in some way. or at least maybe can understand me. there is a good side to all this though. i have been writing more. another 2 poems in the last 2 weeks. i have written so much in the last 2 years. and mainly in the last 6 months. it seems to be the only thing i enjoy doing no matter how i feel.

i have 2 books that ive started writing (well ideas for books) and i have 1 song that i just cant seem to get the desire to finish. i always wonder if peoples creativity increase or decrease during emotional changes.

with me when im down i tend to write peotry more. and the worse i feel the more detailed creative my poems get. when im happier i tend to come up with ideas for books, movies and song.

i never really bothered looking up what a blog actually is suppost to be. but i treat it like a random journal entry.

thomas