Angry and Fed up that is what i am feeling right now.  I have had such a wave of strong emotions for the last 2 hours that now I am completely shattered.  I am now completely fed up of life and the if you have been reading my blogs you may be wondering why there is such a sudden turn around in my mood!  You see having a bf to support you is great until they go and frack everything up so you are left with a great bombshell wondering what the hell is going to happen over the next few weeks and if you will even have a roof over your head!  yes good people of DT bf's can swiftly change your mood and be the cause of stress and tension in your life.  I dont regularly get migraines only when i am super stressed – and here is a migraine marching on and taking over my head!  Its making me feel queasy and sick – not good – i haven't even tried any of my cake.  And the reason i am super stressed – my bf may be loosin his job because he did somethin soooo stupid trained monkeys wouldn't have even done!  And he decided to tell me today on our 3 year anniversary.  We are sooo broke right now, we haven't bought a card, or present, we aren't going out for a meal, not even going to the cinema, cant rent a film, and he didn't even book the efffing day off work so we could spend it together he strolls in at 7pm, when i am tryin to make the dinner.  The cake i made fell apart as i was taking it out of the tin, hes going on about how he could loose his job, the vegetables over boil and burn and the soup i made suddenly goes from thick and lovely to dishwater!  God knows what happend but it was awful and i was stood there watching as he tried to salvage the cake topping when my gas cooker was on full blast, with food ready to be served and he just stands there saying he isn't ready for food because he wants to make yorkshire puddings, and they take an hour!  WTF and then i just loose it. i sit down with slop not soup anymore and try and eat it and he just stands there looking at me like a puppydog waiting for a treat for fixing the cake.  I'll admit it was very nice of him to fix the cake but seriously, he could see how stressed i was about the news he came in with and i was trying my hardest not to blow a fuse and ruin the night, but i was drained!  i had no energy or patience left, so when he handed me a buttered roll to go with the slop, and just waited there for me to take it when he could have left it next to the bowl it blew it! i ended up swearing some of the some horrible words at him and was really cold and horrible.  I didnt mean any of it, but i had had enough, i had so many problems i  needed to talk to him about but had tried to bury until a few days later so i wouldn't ruin tonite, and i was already feeling like tonite was goin to be crap because it wasnt goin to be any different to a normal night in and then he comes home and tells me that.  To top it all off, after one pan of veg burns a second does, and he tries to empty the last of the kettle into the pan, but when he finally realises there is nothing not a drop left, he decides to slowly and I mean snail pace it to the sink to refill the kettle without even turning down the gas hob!  in the time it took him to get to the sink i had already made it from the dinning room to the stove and emptied the water filter jug into the pan.  Then i just felt limp, grabbbed my laptop and came back on here – to vent.  to try and work out why today turned out the way it, to try and soothe a pounding migraine to try and stop the way i am feeling.  I never should have said the things i said to him, but i have been tryin so hard, and have put so much effort into today and he doesn't seem to care at all and just waltzes in and brings me bad news!  what a bleep bleep bleep bleep is how i am feeling.  I  guess i am just soo angry because i had been holding all the bad stuff in to make sure we had a good day and he just lets it all out and makes a point of having a sad face on him when he comes in – that was how i knew it was something bad!  I dont really care about anything right now, i just want this migraine to go away.  i will get  a drink and maybe go to bed.  So much for a happy anniversary.  I should have known better than to blurt out and jinx myself by realising something good could happen – should have held my breath!  actually l'm just going to curl up in ball in bed and cry myself to sleep!

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