I was wrong ~ not going into hypomania or mania. I am so tired today from being up so many hours last night. Maybe it was just a minor mood disturbance. I get those often anyhow. They only last for up to a day at most, then things go back to the way they were beforehand. Anyone else experience this kind of thing too?

I was proud of myself today. Zachary needed a new lunchbox so I had to run to Wal-Mart after I dropped him off at camp. The lunch box was the only thing I bought. For me that's a huge feat! I am a clothes bargain addict, it seems to be my way of making myself feel better about me. I know it sounds shallow, and maybe it is, but if I look pretty I FEEL pretty. I had to curb my strong desire to go to another store where I like to clothes shop too, but I did it ~ I didn't go. I felt crappy about it and disappointed at first, but then it passed. So I overcame my weakness today.

Tropical storm Andrea is sending wave after wave of rains. The backyard is beginning to flood. Soon it's going to be one big pond if it doesn't stop. At least the roads aren't flooded or anything. I'd hate to be on the west coast right now though, they're getting a LOT of rain and wind. At the moment we're in between weather bands and it's not raining and just cloudy and moist out.

I'm feeling empty and lifeless today. I'm just tired of it all. I don't want the concerns of everyday living anymore ~ financial burdens, cooking, bathing, driving Zach back and forth, being a wife, a caretaker of my animals and such. Usually some of those things give me pleasure, but today it's a different story. I feel so low and useless. I don't know if this is still depression stemming from all the stress of last week or if it's genuine depression now. I'm afraid it's the latter. It's just this heavy rock sitting on my chest and holding me down, making it hard to breathe, hard to move. I'm sick of trying to be hopeful all of the time. Today I'm just going to let the illness have it's way with me. I don't feel like fighting. Even being on the computer today has been a real task. I'm falling asleep sitting here writing this.

It's time to go lie down. I need some rest apparently.


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