Well as we can all see, on my relationship status I have "Madly in love" or some such.  I think it's time to explain this.

I'll have my recipient-of-love remain nameless, because it is indeed one sided. Though even so it doesn't really matter, because if they were to ever stumble across this E-Diary entry, well, they'd know who they were. But they will stay nameless for formality's sake.

Backstory (I know you're sick of it, but that's alright!): He and I have been going back and forth in internet correspondence for three, almost four years now, and that's about 50 in internet years. He's my absolute best friend, and one of my favorite human beings, I'd follow him to hell and back blindfolded and on fire. I care about him deeply and more than I should, but, that's just as a friend!

What (I assume) he doesn't know is that I am obsessively in love, it's stupid and I shouldn't be, with him so far away and all, but I can't help it. He's so close to me and he's one of the two people I know who have seen me at my absolute worst and still care. That means a lot to me. 

It's slightly pathetic even, I see him sign online somedays and my heart skips a beat. I shouldn't be so quick to admit my feelings, but, he's become a profound part of my life, it's to the point that when I can't sign online, I daydream about talking to him. And most people daydream about sex in far off places. Haha.

When addressing my feelings about my feelings, well, I do put myself down about it. He's so far away, and while I have few to no options here, I shouldn't pursue a distanced relationship. I don't want to. He's my best friend and it would be wrong of me to risk that. I care about him so much I'd never want to lose him. Never.

Even if it means just laughing along as we jokingly send hearts back and forth, or tag "love you" in randomly. Even though I know we're kidding, it's like I feel a shift of my entire soul inside my body when he says something nice, or tells me I look good that day. 

A beautiful dry-heave of the heart.

So that's the skinny on my darling, and I'm only so bold to say so because I pray he won't google my email out of fun, find my site here and poke around.

And if he's reading this right now…Well the cat's out of the bag. Love me long time? Haha. No, I'd probably just die of joy.  

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