Today has been a rough day. I was doing okay until I had hypoglycemia (I'm a type 1 diabetic , so I was suffering from insulin shock). It came on very quickly, and while I'm used to having that happen, after I recovered, I forgot to turn my insulin pump back on and suffered hyperglycemia for the next few hours without realizing it which caused other complications.
The anxiety symptoms started shortly after the insulin shock – my throat got tight and dry, pressure in my ears, headache, feelings of insecurity, even a bit of nausea. It was a few hours later when I spoke to one of my friends on tribe that she helped me realise that I was probably starting to have a migraine, which, once she stated it, I realised it was true (I suffer from those as well). My migraines are triggered by high blood sugar (hyperglycemia), and had I figured out that I had the hyperglycemia earlier, i probably could have prevented the migraine. The thing is, my anxiety symptoms mimic hyperglycemia symptoms! So, I just thought it was my anxiety, not the diabetes. How utterly confusing.
Anyways, I'm feeling ok now. I'm feeling hopeful (I would have picked that for my mood, but it's not an option). I figured out that if I get a C- on the essay that is due tomorrow, I'll still get a B in the class. And I can't possibly get a C-. Unless something really bad happens. So it will be okay. I think my ambitions of making the dean's list this year may have faded by now, but I think that having constantly high expectations of myself, and particularly unreasonable expectations of myself, have contributed a lot to my anxiety. It's like my subconscious is having an intervention on me, telling me to take it easy. And to stop being so hard on myself.
I think that given everything that I put myself through, it's no wonder I've developed anxiety. I take a full courseload, have a part-time job, an editor-in-chief of a student newspaper, am treasurer and a director for two other clubs, have been applying for jobs for next year, live on my own with no family to support me in my studies, and have just recently gone through a very tramatic breakup. Really, it is no wonder. I really do need to cut myself some slack. I can't be perfect all the time, and I can't do everything all the time.
I'm so glad I found this website. I sometimes feel like it might cause me to focus on my anxiety a little bit too much, but then, the benefit of being able to come here, to have this space to express myself, to have the opportunity to meet so many great people who have been through similar experiences as me, make it truly valuable.
Now for my last essay of my undergrad. Thirty pages long. Zero so far. I have to find a way to get it done, get it over with and then sleep for about a week straight!