When will society and the rest of the world EVER realize how bad depression and mental illness are? I have always gotten the feeling for the last several years when all these NEW meds came out.. the feeling that all anyone cares about is making money with the new meds. No one really researches this disease or cares to help, every individual is different, so these commercial manufactured meds are not always the answer. Usually people need a med or two and other things like support, or whatever else that they're not getting.

No one understands how bad this is. I sit here with chopped hair, scratches, shaved eyebrows, looking at myself like I have been through a war. And Ihave. yet I am just CRAZY. Insane. And weak because I can't put up with pain and pressure. When will the world realize this is a disease and it's killing me and many other people. We can't just suddenly "feel well". My whole body suffers from drinking and over eating but that's my fault too. It's never something "I can't help". My parents try to care and my mom tries to understand, but they never really can. They think I can TRY HARDER and then things will be normal. Just TRY they say. I can't try. I can't make friends, have a relationship, go out and just live. I did try, I can't do it.

I guess its for the best that K is gone too. It was hard to hide the pain, but now I physically can't hide it and I look horrible so I can't see him anyway. Of course I did this to myself knowing he was through with me anyway. I hate him for just using me when he was going through a bad time. And Ihate J for not forgiving me and just ignoring my text.

I can't even get going out of bed today. There really is no point anymore. I have just had it with life. There's nothing left for me.