I’ve been going out more and actually enjoying myself. But there’s still that little voice in my head saying: “You aren’t allowed to be happy. You should feel guilty about all the things you can’t change.” I know it’s not logic or a fact, I know it’s my anxiety talking but it sounds so much like my voice so I want to trust it.
I’ve never trusted myself before, actually. Even in grade school I needed continuous reassurance during small tasks. I’m scared of touching or cleaning anything because I don’t want to wreak anything. With these thoughts it’s hard to live a life where you feel good, which is why I’m trying to train my brain to challenge these negative thoughts. Instead of assuming I can’t do something, I do it. Instead of letting my thoughts invade every nook and cranny of my life, I’m going out and doing things to distract myself. I still have an empty hole in my being, but it’s getting easier to fill with things. Like yoga and tea and friendships. I’m focusing on all the positives, because my life doesn’t have to be negative.
Those are my thoughts around my mental health lately. I’ve noticed that writing helps too. I re-read everything as if I’m another person and give myself advice. I give advice to everyone, so why can’t I do it with myself? It’s all about self confidence and trusting your instincts, because they’re usually right.
I know it’s cliche to say: “Treat yourself as you would a best friend. Be kind. Don’t judge.” We really are our worsts critics and we do hold ourselves back. Knowing this information and actually applying it are two different stories. Both take a long time, you just have to be patient with yourself.
Feelings are fleeting and passing, but living a life without feelings isn’t worth it for me. So I’ll take the good with the bad.
I’m always here to talk if anyone needs it (: