I was thinking that I used to have more friends before my husband and I started dating, but that's not very accurate. I never felt that very many of those people were truly my friends. Most of them would never go out of their way for me. It was always up to me to find a way to tag along with them. I got tired of being so secondary and eventually stopped talking to them.

Every time I'd see them afterward, they'd chide me for never calling, as though the phone only worked one way. Some times I miss being a part of a group, but mostly I just miss having a couple of really good friends I can count on. I know E would be there for me still, but her life's a mess until she can get that ankle bracelet removed. Even still, would she just fall back in line with the wrong people again? Who knows? I'd like to think she'd be smart for her daughter, but…

DH has only old people for friends–I mean, like, retired people that he used to work with. I don't think people his own age have patience for him, and people my ageare downright cruel.I've noticed that he's not a gracious host–AT ALL. Inviting people over is stressfull because he drinks to compensate for his nervousness and gets way too jovial. It makes me cringe. Or even better, he'll invite people out and then want to leave, like an hour after they get there–becuase he gets there way earlier than everyone else and then gets bored waiting. ADHD at it's finest.

All this makes it really hard for us to make friends with couples. No, scratch that. It makes it impossible. Even when I get on well with people, he'll overdo it and turn them off. I have to restrain myself from poking fun at him in front of others. I refuse to throw him under the bus to save face, but damn it if I'm not tempted at times. This has made me dislike other people so ademently, I can hardly stand it.

You see, when I was a kid, I thought the popularity contest would be over once we all grew up, but it's not. It's worse, mainly because you can't blame it on hormones or the general ignorance of childhood. These are grown adults treating other adults like shit in order to look better themselves.It's dispicable because adults are supposed to be better than that. They're not. It's out of pure self-gratification that they do it.

And the trouble with being ultra observant of things around me, I can see it before other people do. I can smell that snarky bullshit when it's still in its first corrosive stages–before people get ballsy enough to graduate to straight-up cruelty. But, I can never say anything until other people catch up, otherwise I'm just being "overly sensative" and "antisocial". "X, you just don't like ANYONE."

I can't count how many times someone has pretended that I didn't warn them.