So this past week was incredibly brutal. A friend told me she was getting married a few weeks ago and I offered to help. She had 2 weeks until her wedding so I asked what she still needed. Nevertheless I ended up making 6 bouquets, 6 decorated wine glasses, 6 decorated beer mugs, 15 centerpieces, a decorated cake cutter and a few other miscellaneous things. Friday the day before her wedding, I still had to finish the wine glasses and had plenty of time to get them done but my electricity went out in half of my house. In addition to that I took Anna to get her nails done Friday only to find out once I got home his face was plastered on fb for being a sex offender, same guy who did her nails! Also on Friday when half my electricity was out my heat was included so I woke up frozen on Saturday morning to anna calling me because someone dropped out of the wedding party and she needed someone to fill in. So I started calling the electricity company and spoke to numerous machines not really knowing when and if they were sending anyone out knowing I had to leave. Try doing your hair and makeup without lights, it wasn't working I had to leave and go to a friends to finish getting ready, while my husband stayed with my mom to figure out what was going on with the house. Usually my husband is good at keeping me calm but he was the biggest jerk ever that morning to me because he was also irritated at all we had going on and since I knew the things I was doing for someone else was irritating him, my anxiety already off the charts was exploding. The electricity company came and said the wire leading to my house had melted and could have caught the who,e house on fire, Thank God Almighty it didn't. My mom had to stay because I had to go be in the wedding I get downtown and then she tells me the place is to small for my husband and daughter to come in so I had to tell my already pissed off husband that he had to drop me off and come back to pick me up. I get inside this place a bundle of nerves trying to hold myself together so I didn't ruin my friends wedding or make her feel any more nervous then she already was and were standing up at the front and I look into the people sitting and catch eyes with this guy sitting there. He was my high school crush are you kidding me so afterwards his mom asks him if he remembers me and of course he didn't because no one, and I mean no one remembers me from high school I was a huge loser (still am) but anyhow that was extremely awkward. So after this whole ceremony I go home electric was still off had to call an electrician to fix the melted part then I had to leave to go to the reception. My husbands attitude by this point was more then I could handle but I still felt bad for putting all this on him so I kept apologizing and thanking him for his patience we get all to the reception hall and we left our camera at home, oh I forgot to mention I was the photographer too. My pissed off husband went home to get it while I started organizing the tables and decorations and getting everything in order. While at the wedding my other friends showed up and that was pretty cool because we had spoke to eachother that week about going to a wedding but none of us knew we were going to the same wedding. I felt incredibly tugged all over trying to sort of run the wedding making sure everything happened in the amount of time we were given which was 3 hours. I started drinking, my husband started drinking and when we left it all blew up in our face. We fought, we haven't fought like this in two years and definitely not since we've been married. My daughter was there, it was toxic and gross and ugly and I'm so ashamed I let her bear witness to it all. She was crying I was already exhausted and Kyle was screaming and I jumped out of the car (we were pulled over at this point) because it was better for him to drive her home without me in the car, he gets out yelling threatening to slap me, btw he has never hit me and knows my last relationship was incredibly abusive. I told him I wish he would ever put his hands on me because I'd kick his ass. (My husband is much smaller then me, although he is a bit stronger) he screamed at me for another 5 minutes and then we almost hit some old guy crossing the road in the dark on a highly dangerous street. I screamed for Kyle to stop and he did less then a foot away from this guy. Mind you my daughter was screaming hysterically at this point in the back. The night was horrible I was angry, and I layed down for a bit so I could get away. And when I got up my husband tried to apologize for not being there for me when I needed him so bad that day but what he did in front of my daughter has hurt me so bad I'm still so mad. I told him I forgive him and I've been really nice about it but I don't feel the same. My heart is still broken, I am still really hurt and ashamed and so many other things. We went to church yesterday and he's trying so hard to be nice, I do forgive him, but I don't think he really realizes how hurt and not over this I am. Yesterday was just a bunch of rushing around because he wanted to have people over to watch this game so I made food for him and his friends and I guess at this point after doing so much for everybody else I'm just wondering when someone will do something for me. Don't get me wrong I love helping people and doing things for my husband and I don't do things because I expect something in return. I'm just exhausted, I'm empty, my love cup has been drained, my anxiety is exhausting and I'm running on fumes here.