I don't know why I didn't think to come back on this site when I started feeling down again. I go through crazy spells of it where all I want to do is cry. I don't take medication anymore, and I've been doing pretty well without it so I guess kudos to me! Where to even start! I guess I have to start somewhere, so here goes!

I started becoming happier when I found a religion that truly fit my beliefs. I left the Christian church a long time ago, but really had no idea what my religion was. I went under the title Agnostic for the longest time, but I found that Paganism really encompassed much more and a lot of the beliefs fit what I truly believed. It's been a hard transition because I really have to hide what I do such as my altar and things of that nature. It's worth it though. i've gotten more from a Goddess than from the Christian God.

I was unable to return to the university I was attending because of finances. That really bummed me out, and I haven't really recovered from it at all. It's like all I focus on anymore is where money is going to come from to pay bills. I just really have no clue what to do about it. I'm looking for a job now, and so far no such luck. Hopefully this summer! I'm still going to school though at a community college. Not where I had hoped to be, but what else can I do?

I was diagnosed with OCD last year, and have noticed more and more my awkward habits. My mom keeps pointing it out to me and telling me how crazy I am. Not exactly something I want to hear. I would like to find help for it, but I don't have the money for a therapist or anything of that nature. I have no health insurance (yet another financial issue).

I haven't had a relationship since last July. I dated a guy that I had known for awhile after I broke up with my ex. He decided 3 weeks after going on a few dates with me that he no longer wanted to talk to me at all. It seems dumb, but it really upset me because I had known him for the longest time. He didn't even want to be my friend! I still am not sure what happened, but from what I've heard he has a girlfriend now and is happy. I guess that's all we can hope for in life. Finding someone that will make us happy.

All I know is I want to be happy again. I'm not totally sure how to go about that at all, but what else can I strive for at this point? Without happiness I find no reason to even get out of the bed. I find no joy sometimes. I have a beautiful niece who I could be spending time with everyday and instead I'm up all night and sleeping half the day or going to school during the day. I either barely sleep, or I sleep too much. There is no medium point.

I'm actually going to start shadow work soon. If you don't know what that is I know youtube has some fantastic videos on the subject. I'm hoping this will help me get out some of the emotions I've been feeling about everything.

Anyways, if there's anything anyone wants to know about or if anyone has any advice on where to start, I would love to hear it.