The last few days I've been stuck in a place of uncertainty. Should I stay, or should I go? Both options have their positives and negatives.I could leave this place. Go somewhere new, filled with loved ones. Somewhere I could mask my pain, behind a fake smile and pretend everything is fine, as I have done so for so many years. Use my new surroundings to temporarily hide what I feel.I know in time I will fall back to what I am. The question then becomes, will I be able to deal with it, or fall back into my nature of running, and seeking another temporarily place to mask what I am. It becomes and endless cycle of running, and never fully dealing with this depression.ORI could stay. Deal with this depression that has controlled every aspect of my life. I know this place that I now call home. I know the faces I have become accustomed too. I had my moments of happiness, and moments of meltdowns. I've met new people that I cherish and people I consider an extended family. But with all the new faces one thing has always remained constant. I'm still alone.Should I stay and deal the best I can, knowing I would have to face my demons?Should I run and mask what I feel, pretend everything is ok and hide behind a fake smile?Regardless of my choice one thing, was, is, and always will be certain. I am alone. No one can fully understand the amount of pain I have endured and will continue to endure. I know people care about me. They wish me well, and tell me they will be there for me. I'm thankful for their support, but regardless of all the people in my life, friends and family, at the end of the night, I am alone dealing with my inner demons.I don't know which path to take, as both have their positives and negatives, but its a choice I alone will have to deal with.


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