Okay, I have decided at last to no longer keep liquor in my room. I live at home and I have a large room where I have been keeping my booze for many years. I don't touch it on a daily basis,but when I do… ha. Look out. I drink til it's all gone. And last night of course I had an "excuse" because of St. Pat's Day.A few drinks is fine, almost a bottle is not. There is no excuse to do that repeatedly. I used to just say "I love to party!" But for years? For years and until I get so trashed, I end up saying and doing stupid, damaging things. I can not count how much I've written and regretted online after I had been drunk. I can't tell you how much I've hated myself the next day. And my body is hurting so bad. I am also depressed and have anxiety so the day after I drink, I have severe attacks of anxiety along with crying and the usual headache and stomach ache. GEE do I need anymore reasons to quit?

Well I don't want to go to AA, I want to have 1 or 2 drinks a week and I can do that. But not if the bottle is in front of me. So it will no longer be in front of me. And if I don't even BUY a bottle,I won't have much access to liquor except for wine, which I hate. I am not so far gone that I will drink anything withalcohol in it. I am very picky when it comes to drinks. I am readyto try to keep my favorite stuff away. Much like I do with cookies and potato chips. I eat them sometimes but I'd be fat if I kept a stash of them in my room. So I don't.

Drinking is also social. But I don't socialize anymore. So I have no need to drink much. I noticed when I go days without booze I feel much better in every way. I just need to not feel like I need drinks to relax. It doesn't really relax me anyway just makes me nuts. I think I am starting to get to that point where I don't want to drink much at all anymore.

So no bottles in here. Not anymore! No reason to be drinking at the computer anymore either. I always enjoy my nights better when I get to bed earlier. I can almost never sleep well, but when I drink I don't sleep at all, only pass out for an hour or two. Awful. I can't wait to try this new idea. I know it will work and make my life better. Then I can try drinking less coffee, but oneaddiction at a time.

2 Comments
  1. Yaya 11 years ago

    Let us know how that works for ya…. Yep, what they said… Who are you trying to convince?…… Get to a meeting and learn why you have to hide it, rationalize it, AND you can't stop after you have started… Don't socialize anymore ?…… Huge sign… sorry to be so cruel but our disease is progressive and our disease is fatal without the help of AA…… Got it all figured out anyway… Try a meeting just for kicks and giggles since you can control your situation..

    Truly pray for you to get to a meeting… You really, really don't want to know how far down the scale you can go with deluding yourself for as long as some of us did…

    Prayers, and a warm hug…. Sobriety is a better way of life than lying to yourself.

    We will be here, so get to a meeting and get what we have.  

     

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  2. tedders78 11 years ago

    I'm going to agree with those who have commented.  You have an addiction and there is no cure.  It will always be a struggle for you until you just recognize the burden you bear.

     

    Good luck!

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