3-19-2011–I had to work a 8hr shift today. I managed well for most of it. Between conversation with new friends and training new employees, I stayed comfortably distracted. Almost all day. At the very, very end of the day, the lady I had speaking with (the above mentioned new friend) asked me if I had children. -sigh- I would never disrespect my children by saying no b/c it's the easy way out. i stated simple facts. yes i have kids but none live with me…etc…I was actually getting through it without my voice breaking or tears…even told her how old they are. i was surprised at how direct I was being and how well I was doing with it….then, so suddenly–i was not ok. In literally 2 minutes I went from calm to blubbering, broken woman. i was helpless and hopeless and embarrassing (to her–i couldn't even be embarrassed b/c i was truly too upset) this happened literally in the last 2 minutes and she, of course, took off—not knowing me well enough to try to comfort me much….besides, there is NO way to comfort me when that happens….no way to make it "all better". my best and closest friends/family know this and know to be there for me w/o trying to make me stop crying by saying non-sense. Nevertheless….there's my entry for today. My eyes are a little swollen, as usual since I cry at least once a day lately, and i have a weird lil' headache. i'm going to bed….to rest and heal….best I can. 

TODAY'S SUMMARY: 3-18-2011- I had a rough start and teared up a little first thing this morning at work, one of my best friend's made it clear she was there for me but also knew to not push it–especially when there's not a solution… then i had the opportunity to train a new employee and that kept me distracted for the rest of my shift. she was smart, picked up on things well, faked it well when neccessary and nice to talk to. I got to focus on something i am good at. well, 2 things—one, i am really good at my job and have a lot of knowledge in my specialty and 2) i got to teach someone and help them ease into the job and be more comfortable overall. yesterday i found dt and today i am getting more aquainted with it. so far, so good….i feel blessed w/ the concern, willingness to help, and understanding of this community. (thanks!!) and, finally–i think i have decided to enter a summary like this daily and maybe get, not only the benefit of "putting pen to paper" but i hope to learn a lil' something of what's really going on with me. g'nite.

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