Ok my friends…Here comes a minor marathon blog…enter at your own RISK…LOL

Nah I am only kidding, I just feel like I might have alot to say…It is July already, don't know what the importance of that is however there is significance in it…A sober July 1st…Hmmmm ok so its been a while…I am beginning to see the difference between "comparing" and "Identifying" indeed.  When I compare I would so often pick up the bat…and let the games begin… From there the "Domino Effect" would begin…(no worries people, im ok not even having a shred of panic )  Scattering my mind all over the placeand dwelling on every thing I could from the last 43 years of my life.. Silly me…Again…its ok I dont have to anymore…Such an odd feeling, to say yes I can identify with that But I DO NOT HAVE TO RELIVE IT FOR THE MEMORIES! just the simple fact of being at peace with myself is an accomplishment in its self..Is everything gone? all the negativity all th BS all the obsessing and whatnot? The Mega-Codependant-Controling Manipulative Bundle of messy EMOTIONS ..HA No I am certain it is right where I left it, however I dont need to romance and entertain all of that..WIth all the time I have dedicated to everyone and everything else and all the SPACE I RENTED OUT IN MY HEAD TO THOSE THOUGHTS  I have robbed my of living MY life…

I can only control me 🙂 and I have begun to like me and realize that I have put myself second even when I was out using (oh yeah no shit DUH) I am begining to do trhings for myself…the may sound silly but hell who else do I do them for? This is what I have gained in the last 80 something days

I get out of bed (no I would stay there all day sometimes)

I eat now, 3 meals a day

I shower and shave daily

I dress and look presentable

I chose not to pick up

My liver count is no longer 1400 its  normal

I have lost 63 pounds

my waist went from a 48 to a 39

My children are no longer afraid of me

I leave the house

I walk about 3 miles a day

I am better at communicating

I have enrolled in College for the fall semester (potentially a 6 year commitment)

I have learned that I am not ALONE

I am not affraid of people

I realized I am HUMAN

I know that "I am going to be OK"

For once aside of my  house taxes all of my bills are PAID and current

I used the word Love and I didnt have to sleep with the person…

I know now that Sex and Love are 2 different THINGS

I am finding FREEDOM in living…

Those are a few things that come to mind

Today at IOP there was a life story…of a 22 year old…As I listened I someone commented that he was most likely to go out and use again because he only has 30 days of sobriety even though he has been in the program for 6 months…I said well as a counsellor you could be an ass and say that or CONGRATULATE him for making it back and not staying out using when he did last pick up….yeah I suppose that is the AA spin on things…as opposed the court mandated mentality that I battle somedays being the only on in the group who is there just because I want to get BETTER.  Enough of that….

I called and was able to get my cell fixed today ( I had lost all internet etc…and its my only means of communication at times) I also got the sail boat in for Bill and Cindy, tomorrow I will put the 85hp motor boat in, also equally as fun, plus I need to get my Cert of residency and my shot records for college, hmm I best write those 2 down.  Monday I have a large presentaion for IOP, I think I am looking forward to it, my topic is "The Past, Present and, Future..How has addiction impacted it…"

Ok my day is winding down even though it is early, I have laundry in and I think it would be nice to catch up with a few people online, maybe even corrie will stop over for her laundry when she gets out of work…Ha I will prob be asleep already…lol

Until Tomorrow my Tribe Sleep Well…


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