I can't believe that I had to do what I just did to someone who Used To be a close friend. The hurt's just soo unbearable- I give up… she could apologize a billion times and the hurt just never goes away. I try to reason with her and all I get is accusations galore The fact that my ocd makes it harder to let go of the hurt just makes it worse…and now it's just soo unbearable I feel like I'm in one of my own stories…cept that one's Rifleman and Lucas losing Mark 🙁 🙁 🙁

It's like no one understands that someone's who's allready been hurt soo many times over the past 8 months since late June- is just gonna act on really really hurt feelings…the sad part is- the hurt goes both ways on both sides of the story and there never seems to be an end to it anymore….and now she can't even accept me for me and stop picking fights on something silly and small. As much as I was (was meaning about a month ago) longing for things that used to happen alot back before all the troubles started… I wouldn't trade the real friends I allready got for nothin <3 <3

The sad part is too- the other side of the story here is more acting like I m somehow supposed to act like how she acts….. and the whole trust and commincation part of the whole friendship started deteriorating back in late June/early July- combine that with a stressfull summer on both sides- now I'm just watchin' dust and tumbleweed in a ghost town…when it comes to this former friendship anyhow….

This whole time too- neither of our real hurting feelings have ever been addressed cept once in a roleplay….like taking one step foreward and two steps back