I really don’t understand why everything has to be like this. I’m so sick of not being able to actually live my life how I’ve wanted like everything that’s happened in my life I basically had no say in it like everyone else is just making my decisions for me like my whole life I’ve just done what everyone else expected of me whether it was something I actually wanted to do or not whether I was actually comfortable with it or not I just listened to what everyone else wanted. And like I don’t know for once I wanna actually have a say in my life and a day in how stuff goes. Everyone always says how like your teenage years are supposed to be the ones where u have the most fun and where u make mistakes and learn from them. But this whole time I haven’t been able to do anything other then like softball like yes I’m so beyond happy that I’ve got to play softball for so long and for all the support I’ve had but like when I actually have free time I wanna be able to go hangout with friends for once or I wanna just be able to do something I actually wanna do but I’m not allowed to do anything cause it might ruin my future. And how I’m just supposed to focus on the future I can’t do anything other then that. And I get that I get how important it is to have the future planned and to focus on that but what is it gonna hurt to go hangout with friends and do something for once and to actually try to live life while I can. I just ughhhh I don’t know life is so short we aren’t guaranteed another year like we aren’t even guaranteed another day I don’t want all my days to be spent not actually trying to live it to the fullest and not take advantage of the fact I actually have friends that wanna hangout and I actually have time to do those things. Like I’m almost an adult and then I’m not gonna have time for anything other then work and normal adult responsibilities.