Today was a good day. For the most part, anyway. I had a fairly symptomless day today and I was having a great time (well, as much of a great time that can be had when you’re 7 days deep in self isolation and dangerously low on toilet roll and Gin!).

 

This evening…a different story. Like always, my anxiety and general worry creeps up and takes total control of me. I’ve been suffering with Gastritis which I essentially gave myself over worry and stress.a

 

I’m currently laying in bed with my Fiancé and my dog & I cant help but get a little bit emotional, they are my absolute world.  I’d be totally lost without them. However, as amazing and understanding my Fiancé is, I can’t  help but envy him. I can’t seem to remember what it felt like to go day-to-day with no anxiety, fear and constant panic. Of course I would never want him to experience how any of this feels, I just can’t seem to shake my jealous feelings. I wish I could be so laid back, so relaxed and just manage to switch off.

 

Its all consuming.

 

I’ve managed to nail down some relaxation techniques. One of which being a hot bath and some solitaire on my phone! Safe to say I’ve had about 17 baths and played around 300 games of solitaire this week alone. The gas bill will cost more than our summer holiday at this rate! But it helps. It calms me and that’s what I need right now.

 

I don’t think I’ll ramble on anymore for tonight…I’ll leave you with happy thoughts and I’m going to curl up with a cup of tea and watch some Monsters University (yes I’m 29 and no, I have no children)

 

<3

8 Comments
  1. cassyrose 3 weeks ago

    Nice post
    Wow, that’s a lot of solitaire. 🙂
    Is Monster’s University as good as the original?

    Best,
    Cassy

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    • Author
      samk1721 3 weeks ago

      I’ve become pretty good at solitaire, I suppose that’s one good thing! Not that I can really do anything with that lol.

      I think it’s as good as the original, I wouldn’t say it’s better though 🙂

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  2. cassyrose 3 weeks ago

    Skills are skills though. Today I played a card game with my mom over the phone. I’d usually just go see her; but I’m being cautious right now. Kinda sucks.
    It was funny though because she played my hand for me. And I won! Twice!
    She doesn’t have Skype yet.

    Sometimes I feel like I should call my friends more, and not just my Mom. But it’s been awhile since the days you could just call anybody, anytime. Maybe we’ll be forced to revisit those times, in a good way these coming weeks

    It’s forcing me to be a more mindful friend; work in progress I guess.

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  3. Author
    samk1721 3 weeks ago

    Yes I totally agree. Whilst what’s happening right now is awful and obviously I wish it wasn’t happening, I can’t help but think of some of the positives too. People take time for themselves, relaxing, spending time with family.

    Of course how much our carbon footprint has reduced these last few weeks. I suppose we have to find silver linings don’t we.

    Sounds lovely, playing cards with your mum. My mum is quarantined about an hour or so away with her partner, I find it hard not seeing her so much. It makes you appreciate your loved ones.

    I hope you do find some time, or a way to catch up with friends 🙂

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  4. cassyrose 1 week ago

    Hey there! How has everything been going?

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    • Author
      samk1721 1 week ago

      Hi! Things haven’t been great in all honesty.

      I’ve struggled a lot this past week with my anxiety and have felt hopeless most days. I know this won’t last but it’s just hard to pull myself through it.

      How have you been? 🙂

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  5. Author
    samk1721 1 week ago

    Also, thank you for asking. It means a lot that you checked back in.

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  6. cassyrose 2 days ago

    Hey Sam! I did not get the notification of your reply last week, so sorry about that.
    I am doing better, but trying not to think about the pandemic because I can’t bear the thought of anyone close to me getting very sick. I think everyone’s ok right now though.

    I found some good supports online, so that is helping. I texted my friends a little bit, but most of us aren’t feeling very chatty :/

    It must be really scary having health issues during this time; I hope you can stay safe and well!! Each day is a gift. All of us are reminded of that nowadays it seems.

    Take care☺️

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