today WAS a good day. my bf went straight from work to his parents house and he just said he wont b home till 9. this has made me mad, sad, and lonley. ive also just realized that i have developed a co-dependency issue, prbly due to this current depressive episode. ne way it just sucks, so bad. his parents hate me. we used to live wit them, 10 ppl total in the house. well everyone was horrible to me. they would make things up get mad at me and make me apoligize…for thing i never did, or said. i just wanted them to like me, u kno? i did everything i could..i talked more, then stayed quiet, cleaned up, then cleaned more, bought stuff for the house, then bought more. wen i started to go into a depressive episode (actually the beging of the current one im in) i tried to call a "family meeting" (they do that all the time..its realy just a bitch fest) to xplain my recent reclusive and quiet behavior bc sum ppl can take it as being rude. wellthat was a big mistake, they all…8ppl, yelled (literaly) at me, called me mean names…like a piece of shit and good for nothing, and made me cry. i never got to say more than two words. even after that (and ps their mean behavior only escilated) i still tried to b nice and compliant. then they said I was being mean and made me apoligize to everyone for things i never said or did. this happened for 4months. up untill i was hospitalized after a suicide attempt and the 8th dr in 4months told me i cldnt live in such a toxic enviroment. i never went back, i went rite frm the hospital to my moms house where we both live currently.i realized this was a difficult time for my bf so i told him if he needed to talk to his family i understood and it was cool. well they said i shld hav tried harder. thats it. my therapist said that their house was just like mine wen i lived with my dad, and the more i tried the worse it got. but i kept desperatly trying for their approval. (just like wit my dad…he’d beat the shit outa me, call me names, but iwanted nothing more than HIS love) all i kno is i WILL NEVER apoligize again. but i wish soooo much that they accepted me and mayb loved me. i dont think that will ever happen

 

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